The Language of Love, Lust, Sex

and All the Many-Splendored Things in Between in Teenspeak - Jockspeak - Menglish - Slanglish - Spanglish Gaylese - Americanese - Britspeak - Ozslang - Funetic Populo-Vulgar Speech - T-Shirt & Net Shorthand Pompo-Verbosity & other Figurative Lingos
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masturbation-male:
SYNONYMS:
Although most of the synonyms listed below are written exactly as I found them, in some cases I standardized the use of THE ( skin-the-bone ) in replacement of YOUR or ONE'S ( skin your bone , skin one's bone ) Verb vs. verbal noun.
5-digit-disco
a date with Manuel
a-date-with-Manuela
a-date-with-Senorita-Mano
a-visit-from-Mother-Fist
accosting-the-Oscar-Meyer
activating-cruise-control
addressing-Mr.-Palmer
adjusting-your-set
ambidexterity
answer-the-bone-a-phone
applying-for-a-fishing-liscence
applying-the-hand-brake
arm-aerobics
arm-breaker
armswing
armswinging
arthur
articulate-the-archdeacon
assault-on-a-friendly-weapon
attacking-the-one-eyed-purple-headed-warrior
auditioning-the-hand-puppet
bachelor's-delight
bachelor's-fare
backstroke-roulette
baiting the hook
ball-off
balling-off
balls-deep-into-your-fist
bananas-and-cream
bang-the-banjo
bang-the-bishop
bang-the-wanger
banging-the-drum
bank-with-Barclays
Barclay's-bank
bash-the-bishop
bashing-the-bishop
bashing-the-candle
bashing-the-dummy
bat-off
batting-practice
battling-the-purple-helmeted-warrior
be-your-own-best-friend
beat
beat-it
beat-meat
beat-off
beat-one's-little-brother
beat-Pete
beat-the-bald-headed-bandit
beat-the-bishop
beat-the-dork
beat-the-dummy
beat-the-goose
beat-the-hog
beat-the-meat
beat-the-pud
beat-the-pup
beat-the-tom-tom
beat-your-meat-like-it-owes-you-money
beating-it-with-a-smile-on-your-face
beating-your-meat-on-the-toilet-seat
beating-off
beating-the-bait
beating-the-bed-flute
beating-the-bishop
beating-the-bologna
beating-the-boner
beating-the-meat
beating-the-old-man
beating-the-piss-outta-my-best-friend
beating-the-pud
beating-the-snake
beating-the-stick
beef-stroke-it-off
being your own best-friend
bell-polishing
bequeath-your-genes
best orgasm you'll ever get , the
biffing-off
big-date-with-Rosy-Palms
big-stroke-time
bishoprage
blanket-drill
bleed-the-goose
bleed-the-lizard
bleed-the-weed
bloating-the-vein
blooch
blow-off
blowing your load
blowing-your-own-horn
bludgeon-the-beefsteak
blue-vein-shuffle
bob
bob-the-bologna
bobbing-the-boloney
body-rub
boff
boffer
boffing
bollock-service
bologna-bop
bombing-the-German-helmet
bop
bop-the-baloney
bopping-the-bishop
bopping-the-bologna
bopping-Richard
bopping-the-bonzo
box-the-Jesuit-(and-get-cockroaches)
boxing-the-bald-champ
boxing-the-bald-headed-clown
boxing-the-ballsack
boxing-the-Bozak
boxing-the-clown
boxing-with-Richard
brandle
break-one-off
bring-down-(by-hand)
bring-off-by-hand
bring-up-by-hand
buck-the-bone
bucking-it
buff-the-dog
buff-the-mushroom
buff-the-pylon
buffing (the magic lamp)
buffing-the-bishop
buffing-the-banana
buffing-the-helmet
buffing-the-rifle
buffing-the-wood
buggering-the-hand
burp-the-baldman
burp-the-worm
burping-the-baby
burping-the-worm
bust-a-nut
buttering-the-corn
buttering-the-muffin
cabareting
calling-all-cum
calling-down-for-more-mayo
caning-the-vandal
capturing-the-bishop
carrying-weight
cast off
catch-up-with-Popeye
catching-a-case-of-whackinitis
celebrating-Palm-Sunday
changing-your-oil
charge-the-rod
charm-the-cobra
charm-the-serpent
charming-the-snake
cheat-the-meat
check-the-oil
checking-for-testicular-cancer
cheesing-off
chicken-grabbing
chicken-milking
chipping-wood
choke-hold
choke-the-bad-guy
choke-the-chicken
choke-the-chook
choke-the-gopher
choking-Charlie-'till-he-throws-up
choking-Kojak
choking-the-bald-guy-until-he-pukes
choking-the-chipmunk
choking-the-sheriff-and-waiting-for-the-posse-to-come
chong-your-schlong
chuff
churn
churn butter
churn-the-butter
churning-butter
churning-the-butter
circle-jerk
clamming-the-engram
clamping-the-pipe
clap-with-one-hand
clean-the-pipe(s)
cleaning-the-rifle
cleaning-the-storm-drains
clear-the-custard
clearing-the-snorkel
climbing-the-tree
climbing-Mount-Baldy
clobbering-the-kleenex
closet-frisbee
closing-the-deal
clubbing-eddy
clubbing-the-clam
coating-prince-william-sound-with-love-oil
cock-the-cannon
cock-your-shotgun
colonel-sanders-heimleich-maneuver
color-in-the-coloring-book
come-into-your-own
come-the-turkey
comforting-Gary-Coleman
coming-into-your-own
coming-one's-mutton
coming-to-grips-with-yourself
conking-the-cardinal
consult-Dr.-Jerkoff
converse-with-Harry-Palm
cooking-the-cream-of-cock
corralling-the-tadpoles
couch-hockey-for-one
court-Madam-Knuckle
crab-tease
crack-off-a-batch
cracking-nuts
cracking-off
cracking-the-bat
crank
crank-the-cream
crank-the-cream-separator
crank-the-love-pump
crank-the-monkey
crank-the-shaft
crank-the-shank
cranking-for-cum
cranking-the-corona
cream-your-corn
creamed-beef
creaming-the-cheese
create-an-arch
crimping-the-wire
crown-the-king
cuddling-the-kielbasa
cuff-the-carrot
cuff-the-dummy
cuff-the-meat
cuff-the-puppy
culture-the-American-Blood-Sausage
cum-the-scum
Custer's-last-stand
dance-with-Johnnie-One-eye
dancing-with-myself
dancing-with-the-captain
dash-one's-doodle
date Mother Palm and her five daughters
date-Miss-Michigan
date-Palmala-Handerson
dating-Manuella
dating-Rosie-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
dating-the-Palm-sisters
dating-Thumbalina-and-her-four-sisters
dealing
decongesting-the-weasel
defrosting-the-fridge
devil's-handshake
dicky-whacking
diddle
diddling
diddling-the-dinky
digitally-oscillating-the-penis
dilly-with-the-willy
dinging-the-dong
dinky-the-slinky
discipline-your-soldier
disciplining-the-primate
dishonorable-discharge
disobey-the-Pope
disseminating
diurnal-pollution
do-a-dry-waltz-with-oneself
do-it-yourself
do-the-dew
do-the-Han-Solo
do-the-wet-n-stinky
do-yourself-off
docking-in-shuttle-bay-5
doddle-whacking
doing-a-hand-job
doing-a-little-soft-shoe
doing-battle-with-the-purple-helmeted-warrior-of-love
doing-handiwork
doing-hard-time-in-the-hand-slammer
doing-it-your-way
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle on the old piss pipe
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle on the old piss pump
doing the five-knuckle shuffle
doing-the-five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pipe
doing-the-five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
doing-the-hand-jive
doing-the-human-version-of-autoexec.bat
doing-the-janitor-thing
doing-the-knuckle-shuffle-on-the-ol'-piss-pump
doing-the-pork-sword-jiggle
doing-the-solitary-rhumba
doing-the-white-knuckler
doing-your-own-thing
dollop-the-weener
dong-flogging
doodle-the-noodle
double-jacking
downing-at-the-club-(for-members-only)
drain-Charle's-Dickens
drain-the-vein
drain-the-dragon
draining-the-monster
draining-the-poisons-from-the-building
draw-on-a-length
drilling-for-oil-in-your-own-backyard
driving-the-skin-bus
dropping-a-line
dropping-stomach-pancakes
dry-firing-the-musket
dry-humping-the-ottoman
dual-masturbation
dundering-the-devil
dunk-the-dolphin
dusting-the-old-trophy
educating-Peter
electing-the-president
empty-the-cannon
encapsulate-your-probe
engaging-in-internal-revenue-service
engaging-in-safe-sex
enjoying-yourself
erupting-the-volcano
erupting-Vesuvius
evicting-the-testicular-squatters
excercise-your-rights
experiencing-men-o-paws
express-a-secret-vice
express-yourself-(manually)
faxing-Jimmy-Dean
faxing-the-pope
feed-the-ducks
feed-the-fist
feed-the-spunk-o-meter
feed-the-stick
feeding-the-chooks
feel-in-one's-pocket-for-one's-big-hairy-rocket
fetch-metal
fetch-mettle
fidget-the-midget
fidget-with-the-digit
fight-the-champ
fight-the-turkey
file-the-fun-rod
filling-up-the-belly-button-well
fire-the-hand-cannon
fire-the-wobbly-warhead
fire-your-wad
firing-off-a-round
firing-the-flesh-musket
firing-the-surgeon-general
firm-the-worm
first you grab it by the head then you beat-it till it's dead
fishing-for-trouser-trout
fishing-for-zipper-trout
fist-flick
fist-fuck
fist-fucking
fist-fucking-the-piss-pump
fist-it-off
fist-kebabing-101
fist-of-fury
fist-the-mister
fisting-the-mister
five-against-one
five-against-Willy
five-finger-boogie-on-the-blue-vein
five-finger discount
five-finger-exercise(s)
five-finger-knuckle-shuffle
five-finger-lingo
five-finger-solo
five-fingers-against-one-penis
five-knuckle chuckle
five-knuckle olympics
five-knuckle shuffle
five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
five-knuckle shuffle on the piss pump
five-on-one
fives
fixing the plumbing
flapping-takkie
flaying-the-emperor
flex-one's-sex
flexing Russell the one-eyed love-muscle
flick-the-BIC
flick-on-over-the-thumb
flip-it-around
flip-it-off
flip-off
flip-oneself-off
flipping-the-bishop
flog
flog-(oneself)
flog-a-dead-horse
flog-a-willing-horse
flog-it
flog-the-bishop
flog-the-dog
flog-the-dolphin
flog-the-dong
flog-the-donkey
flog-the-dummy
flog-the-goose
flog-the-hog
flog-the-infidel
flog-the-lizard
flog-the-log
flog-the-meat
flog-the-mutton
flog-the-old-whipping-boy
flog-the-pork
flog-the-pup
flog-the-sausage
flog-the-whipping-boy
flogging the bishop
flogging-the-dog
flogging-the-dolphin
flogging-the-dong
flogging the dummy
flogging-the-frog
flogging-the-hog
flogging-the-mule
flogging the old dog
flogging-the-poodle
flogging-the-salami
flogging-your-dumber-brother
flogging your log
flogging-your-pride
flong-the-dong
flopping-beef
flub-the-dub
flushing babies
flute-solo
fly-fishing
fondling-the-fig
freeing-Willy
frig
frig-off
frig-oneself
frigging
frigging-the-love-muscle
friggit
friggle
frosting-the-pastries
fuck-fist
fuck-the-fist
fuck-your-fist
fuck-off
fuck-one's-fist
fuck-Mary-Fist
fuck-palmala
fucking Miss Michigan
gaining an inch
gallop-the-antelope
gallop-the-goose
gallop-the-maggot
gallop-the-old-lizard
galloping-the-lizard
genital-stimulation-via-phalangetic-motion
genitalic-stimulation-via-phallengetic-motion
get-gravel-for-the-goose
get-one's-nuts-off
get-oneself-off
get-some-self
get-some-trim
get-to-know-yourself
get to the peak of your peker
getting-a-date-with-slick-mittens
getting-a-grip-on-things
getting-a-hold-of-yourself
getting-a-little-off-hand
getting-a-stiffy
getting-chafed
getting gissy with the goo
getting-gnarly-with-the-knudster
getting-in-touch-with-your-manhood
getting-in-touch-with-yourself
getting jiggy (or jizzy) with it
getting-ones-nuts-off
getting-stripped-of-your-grammy
getting-the-german-soldier-marching
getting-the-glue-stick
getting-to-know-yourself
getting-to-know-yourself-personally-in-the-biblical-sense
getting-your-caps-peeled
getting-your-palm-read (or red)
getting-your-palm-read-by-Mister-Softee (or Softy)
getting-your-pole-varnished
gherkin-jerking
gilding-the-lily
give-it-a-one-gun-salute
give-oneself-a-handjob
give-oneself-a-low-five
giving flipper a backrub
giving-it-a-tug
giving-the-general-a-five-finger-salute
giving the pope a stroke
giving-Yul-Brenner-the-high-five
glazing-the-knuckle
gluing-the-lady's-eye-shut
go-a-couple-rounds-with-the-champ(ion)
go-back-to-the-wig-wam-and-beat-the-tom-tom
go-on-a-hand-diet
go-to-war-with-yourself
going-a-couple-of-rounds-with-Ol'-Josh
going-cabareting
going-eye-to-eye-with-Johnny-Hung
going-on-a-date-with-Handrea
going-on-a-date-with-Palmela
going-on-a-date-with-Rosey-Palm-and-the-five-daughters
going-blind
going-on-Peewee's-little-adventure
going-on-the-blow
going-on-the-dole
going-out-with-Mother-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
going surfing on mount baldy
going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters
got a date with Rosie Palm(er)
grab-the-flab
grappling-the-gorilla
grasping at the opportunity
grease-the-goofy
greasing-the-flagpole
greasing-the-pipe
greasing-your-bone
grind-off
grinding-the-goo-shooter
grip-it
grip-the-gorilla
grip-the-tip
gripping-Flipper
gripping-the-pencil
growing a tree then chopping it down
growing-hair-on-the-palms
gushing-the-geyser
hack-off
hack-the-hog
hack-the-mack
hair-in-hand
ham-boning
ham-shank
Han-Solo
handball
hand-fuck
hand-gallop
hand-game
hand-gig
hand-head
hand-jig
hand-jive
hand-job
hand-labor
hand-relief
hand-shandy
hand-solo
hand-to-gland-combat
hand-work
handful-of-pleasure,-a
handle
handling the hard-on
hands-on-training
handy-work
hanging-five
hanging-the-old-man
hard-labor
haul-your-own-ashes
have-a-date-with-a-handkerchief
have-a-wank
have-one-off-the-wrist
having-a-ball
having-a-ball ... well, two actually
having-a-conversation-with-the-one-eyed-trouser-snake
having-a-date-with-Fisty-Palmer
having-a-date-with-Rosie-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
having a date with the five-fingered widow
having-a-five-knuckle-shuffle
having-a-ham-shank
having-a-J.-Arthur
having-a-one-night-stand-with-yourself
having-a-roy
having-a-sherman
having a staff-meeting
having-a-tug
having-a-tug-of-war-with-the-cyclops
having-a-whack-attack
having an affair with digits
having-an-arm-wrestle-with-your-one-eyed-vessel
having an intelligent conversation with Dick
having an oscar-meyer moment
having-dinner
having-it-off
having-one-off-the-wrist
having-sex-with-someone-you-love
helping-the-python-shed-its-skin
helping Tom Sawyer white-wash the fence
herkin'-the-gherkin
hit-on-Rosy-Palm
hit-the-ham
hitchhike-under-the-big-top
hitchhiking-to-heaven
hitchhiking-underneath-the-big-top
hold-the-bold
holding-the-sausage-hostage
holding-your-sausage-hostage
holding-my-own
holding-on-to-a-family-heirloom
hone-the-bone
hone the cone
honking-Bobo
hotdog-a-rama
hot-rod-it
housebreaking-the-cat
hug-the-hog
hump-the-horn
hump-the-hose
hump-your-fist
humping-air
humping-the-hose
humping the old hand
hurting-Burt-until-he-squirts
husk-it
ignite-the-lightsaber
in-hand
infanticide
inflating the zepplin
installing-a-burglar-alarm
invading-Poland
ironing-some-wrinkles
jack-and-jill-off-party
jack-hammer
jack-hammering
jack-off
jack-off-party
jack-off-session
jack-the-beanstalk
jack-the-corn
jack-the-joystick
jack-the-sack
jack-your-jizz
jack-yourself
jacking (off)
jacking-the-beanstalk
jag-off
jam-the-joystick
jazz-oneself
jazzing yourself
jeff-off
jerk
jerk-Jamby
jerk-jelly
jerk-job
jerk-off
jerk-the-gherkin
jerk-the-joint
jerk-the-johnson
jerk-the-mutton
jerk-the-rope
jerk-the-Turk
jerk-the-turkey
jerk-up
jerk-your-jewels
jerk-yourself-a-soda
jerkin's-hand-lotion
jerking-jamby
jerking-off
jerking the cherkin
jerking-the-gherkin
jerking-the-noodle
jerking-the-turkey
jerking-the-wheel
jiggle-the-jewelry
jiggling the branch to shake the nuts loose
jiggling-the-dice
jiggling the handle
jiggling-your-cockanballs
jimmying-the-joey
jiring-one's-wad
jizzlobbing
J/O (JO / j.o.)
J/O-scene
Jodrell-Bank
jog-off
jollification
juggling-the-coullions
juice-the-fruit
just hold it right there!
just-jerkin'-it
keep-a-date-with-bobby-palm-and-his-five-brother
keep-down-the-census
keep-the-census-down
kick-the-gong-around
kicking-seamen
killing-45-seconds
killing-it
knead-your-dough
kneading-the-knockwurst
knitting
knob
knob-polishing
knob-shining
knock-on-wood
knuckle-shuffle
knuckle-shuffle-on-the-ol'-piss-pump
knock-the-top-off
knuckling-the-bone
lark
lathering the latin love lance
launching-the-hand-shuttle
launching-the-head-of-a-world-cup-golfer
launching-the-tadpoles
leaking-the-main-drain
Levy-and-Frank
lightening-the-load
lighting-the-candle
lighting-the-pipe
little-pinky-hit-the-slinky
little-southern-romance
loading-the-cannon
local
looking-askance
looking-for-ticks
lope-the-mule
loves labors lost
loving-the-muppet
loving-thy-self
lube-the-cord
lubing-the-tube
lubricating the love-stick
lubricating the piston
M-and-M
maintaining-a-holding-pattern
make-a-bald-man-cry
make-a-milkshake
make-fist-kabobs
make-love-to-ones-fist
make-love-with-Mother-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
make-love-with-Rosy-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
make-silly-with-the-Willy
make the bald-man puke
making-a-banana-spit
making-a-banana-split
making-a-deposit in the toilet bank of america
making-a-foreskin-cone
making a knuckle hot-dog
making-a-six-fist
making-duck-butter
making-friends-with-Big-Ed
making-instant-pudding
making-love-with-Miss-Right
making mayo
making-nut-butter
making-oyster-soup
making-the-bald-man-cry
making-the-scene-with-the-magazine
making-vanilla-jism-shakes
making-yogurt
making-yourself-at-home
mangling-the-midget
manipulating-the-mango
manning-the-cannon
manning-the-cockpit
manual-exercise(s)
manual-gratification
manual-job
manual-labor
manual-override
manual-persuasion
manual-pollution
manual-preference
manual-release
manual-sex
manual-titillation
manually-assisted-wet-dream
manustupration
manuxorate
masonic-secret-self-handshake
massage-the-fireman's-neck
massage-the-one-eyed-monk
massage-your-muscle
massage-your-purple-headed-warrior
master-bacon
maximize-your-potency
measuring the circumference of your penis
measuring-for-condoms
meet-Mrs.-Palmer-and-her-five-daughters
meet-your-right-hand-man
meeting-Mary-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
meeting-Rosie-Hancock
meeting-with-Mother-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
messing-with-Moby
milk
milk it
milk-the-chicken
milk-the-lizard
milk-the-maggot
milking-one's-self
milking-the-bull
milking-the-cow
milking-the-moose
milking-the-musket
milking-the-weasel
milkywaying
minding-my-own-business
Miss-Fist
mix-up-a-batch
molesting-the-mole
monkey-slapping
monkey-spanking
mount-a-corporal-and-four
moving-into-a-one-bedroom-apartment
much-goo-about-nothing
mugging the kojak doll
mule-breeding
murder-the-Bishop
mustard-on-the-burger
nerking-the-throbber
night-club
ngocok
noiseless hobby
oiling-the-glove
oiling-the-pogo-stick
Onan's-Olympics
Onan up
onanera
one-eye-target-practice
one-gun-salute
one-hand-clapping
one-handed-clapping
one-legged-race
one man band
one-man-show
one-man-tug-o-war
one-off-the-wrist
one-stick-drum-improvisation
one-two
oscillating-the-Oscar-Meyer
owner operator
pack-the-palm
packaging-the-ol'-sausage
packing-the-palm
paddle-the-pickle
paddling my pork
paddling-the-peter
paddling-the-pickle
paddling-the-robin
paint-the-ceiling
painting-the-pickle
painting-the-walls
palm-it
Palmala-Handerson
palming-the-calm
parading the troops (corporal and five privates)
passing-math
pat-me-muller
pat-the-Robertson
patting the pooter
pause-that-refreshes,-the
paw-paw-tricks
peeling-the-banana
peeling-the-carrot
peeling-some-chilies
performing-a-self-test
performing-an-organ-solo
performing-diagnostics-on-your-mantool
perm-the-poodle
petting-the-lizard
petting the monkey
petting-the-snake
petting-the-Wookie
petting-your-dog
phoning-the-czar
pickle dancing
piddle-the-pud
pinch-the-cat
pink-piston-practice
pipping-the-pumpkin
pitch-a-knuckle-ball
play-a-flute-solo-on-one's-meat-whistle
play-billiards
play-pocket-billiards
play-pocket-pool
play-solitaire
play-the-bones
play-the-male-organ
play-the-piss-pipe
play-the-skin-flute
play-with-oneself
play with (your) Willy Wanker
playing-a-bass-solo
playing-a-little-five-on-one
playing-a-little-game-of-five-on-one
playing-a-one-stringed-guitar
playing-a-solo-on-the-meat-whistle
playing-chopsticks
playing five-against-one
playing-in-a-one-man-show
playing one arm bandit
playing one eyed bandit
playing-peek-a-boo-(with-Mr.-Johnson)
playing-pocket-pinball
playing-pocket-pool
playing rumple foreshin
playing-soapy-Peter
playing-solitaire
playing-tag-with-the-pink-torpedo
playing-the-fiddle
playing-the-flesh-flute
playing-the-flesh-trombone
playing-the-hairy-banjo
playing-the-man-flute
playing-the-one-stringed-melody
playing-the-pink-oboe
playing-the-skin-flute
playing-tug-o-war-with-the-cyclops
playing-uno
playing-with-dick
playing-with-it
playing with my yo yo
playing-with-oneself
playing-with-Susi-Palmer-and-her-five-friends
playing-with-the-pink-Power-Ranger
playing-with-the-spitting-llama
playing-with-the-turtle
playing with the upright organ
playing-with-your-big-Alien
playing with your 6 th finger
playing-Yahtzee
please-the-pisser
pleasing-the-pisser
pleasing the turtle
plucking-the-chicken
plunking-the-twanger
pocket-billiards
pocket-pinball
pocket-polka
pocket-pool
pocket-waltz
point-one's-social-finger
pole-vaulting
polish-the-bayonet
polish-the-chrome-dome
polish-the-horn
polish-the-knob
polish-the-log
polish-the-Oscar
polish-the-pole
polish-the-shooter
polish-the-viper
polishing-Charlie-Brown
polishing-Percy-in-your-palm
polishing-the-beak
polishing the cane
polishing-the-family-jewels
polishing-the-helmet
polishing-the-night-stick
polishing-the-pud
polishing-the-rocket
polishing-the-silver
polishing-the-sword
pollute
popping-a-nut
popping-the-cork
popping-the-purple-pimple
popping-the-zit
Portuguese pump(ing)
posh-wank
pound-it
pound-off
pound-the-bobo
pound-the-flounder
pound-the-meat
pound-the-peenie
pound-the-pork
pound-the-pud
pounding-off
pounding-the-bald-headed-moose
pounding-the-flounder
pounding the pepperoni
pounding-the-pud
pounding-the-pudding
pounding your pud
pow-wow-with-the-one-eyed-Redskin
practicing your mantra
practising
preparing-the-carrot
prime-it
prime-the-pump
prime-the-womb-cannon
priming-the-pump
prodding-the-half-cooked-pastrami
prompt-the-porpoise
prostate-maintenance
prune-the-fifth-limb
pub-the-dub
pud-pulling
pud-wrestling
pudwhacking
puff-the-one-eyed-dragon
pull it off
pull-off
pull-one-off
pull-one's-dong
pull-one's-joint
pull-one's-pud
pull-one's-wang
pull-oneself-off
pull-putz
pull-some-lumber
pull the ducks neck
pull-the-joint
pull-the-peter
pull-the-pope
pull-the-pork
pull-the-pudding
pull-the-pud
pull-the-pin
pull-the-pole
pull-the-root
pull-the-taffy
pull-the-wire
pull-wire
pull-your-prick
pulling-a-solo-session
pulling-on-Peter
pulling-off
pulling-rank
pulling-rank on private one-eye
pulling-the-bologna-pony
pulling the bull
pulling-the-carrot
pulling-the-colonel-sanders-heimleich-manuever
pulling-the-five-knuckle-shuffle
pulling-the-cord
pulling-the-goalie
pulling-the-handbrake
pulling-the-mule
pulling-the-pole
pulling-the-pope
pulling-the-pud
pulling-the-putz
pulling-the-taffy
pulling-the-weed
pulling-the-wire
pulling-your-prick
pulling-your-goalie
pulling-your-own-leg
pummel-the-love-truncheon
pummeling-the-priest
pump-off
pump-oneself-off
pump-one's-pickle
pump-ship
pump-the-monkey
pump-the-python
pumping-cream
pumping-for-pleasure
pumping-for-power
pumping-the-electric-goo-gun
pumping-the-gas-at-the-self-service-island
pumping-the-stump
punchin'-the-munchkin
punching-the-clown
punching-the-puppet
punish-Percy-in-the-palm
punish-the-Harlequin
punishing-the-pope
pushing-the-daisy-and-make-it-cum
qualifying-in-the-testicular-time-trial
R2-your-D2
raise-the-flag
raising-Lazarus-from-the-dead
raising-the-mainsail
rake-your-meat
ram-the-ham
rank
rapid-one-arm-pull-ups
raping your hand
ravage-the-innocent
reading-poetry
reading-with-one-hand
relieve-oneself
relieving oneself
relieving-tension
returning-to-sender
ride-the-great-white-knuckler
riding-the-great-white-knuckler
ringing-for-the-elevator
rise and fall of Peter the Great, the
roasting-chestnuts
rod-walloping
rodgering
rodding
rogering
rolling-your-own
rolling-the-fleshy-blunt
Roman-helmet-rumba
romancing-Lady-Five-Fingers
romancing-the-bone
Romeo-and-himself
ropin' the long horn
roping-the-pony
roping-the-pope
roughing-up-the-suspect
rowing-the-boat
rub
rub-it-off
rub-off
rub-off-by-hand
rub-one-out
rub one's...
rub oneself
rub-the-knob
rub-the-(little)-head
rub-the-magic-lamp
rub-the-radish
rub-the-tub
rub-up
rubbing one off
rubbing-one-out
rubbing-the-magic-one-eyed-wonder-weasel
rubbing-the-pink-eraser
rubbing-the-rod
run-a-batch
run-one's-hand-up-the-flagpole
run-off-by-hand
running a batch (off by hand)
running-off-a-batch-by-hand
running-Peter-through-two-a-days
running-the-cheeta
running-the-100-yard-dash
running-the-whack-a-thon
sacrificing-sperm-to-the-god-of-lonely-nights
sailors'-joy
salute-the-sailor
saluting Captain Winky
saluting the commander
saluting the general
sanding-the-banister
sanding the woody
sanding-wood
schnauzer-shuffleboard
schplitzing-the-schmeckel
scouring-the-tower-of-power
scraping-the-horn
screw-off
se-branler
se-crosser
se-faire-les-cinq-doigts-de-la-main
se-passer-un-poignet
secret-handshake
secret-indulgence
secret-sin
secret-vice
see-Madam(e)-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
self-inflicted-intercourse
self-induced-penile-regurgitation
serta-solo
setting-off-a-depth-charge
sew
sewing-circle
shag
shagging
shake
shake-hands-with-the-governor
shake-hands-with-the-wife's-best-friend
shake-it-up
shake-the-snake
shake-the-weasel
shaking-hands-with-Abraham-Lincoln
shaking-hands-with-Jack-Mcnasty
shaking-hands-with-Little-Elvis
shaking-hands-with-Mr.-Happy
shaking-hands-with-Mr.-President
shaking hands with Mr. Winkie
shaking-hands-with-Shorty
shaking-hands-with-the-General
shaking-hands-with-the-guy-that-stood-up-when-I-got-married
shaking-hands-with-the-midget
shaking-hands-with-the-wife's-best-friend
shaking-hands-with-the-unemployed
shaking-hands-with-your-John-Thomas
shaking-hands-with-Yul-Brenner
shaking-the-bottle
shaking-the-dice
shaking the dew off the water lily
shaking-the-hand-of-the-self-employed
shaking-the-hand-of-the-unemployed
shaking-the-sauce
shaking-the-snake
shaking-the-sausage
shaking-your-fist-at-the-sky
shaking-your-hand-at-the-sky
shaking-your-(own)-maracas
shanking
share-one's-bed
share a/the sexual-embrace
sharpening the beaver-cleaver
sharpening the pencil
she-bop
shellacking-the-shellaleigh
shemping-the-hog
Sherman
Sherman-tank
shift-gears
shifting-gears
shifting-into-first-gear
shine-the-pole
shining-the-helmet
shining-the-pole
shining-the-pork-sword
shining the shaft
shoot-between-wind-and-water
shoot-in-the-tail
shoot-skeet
shoot-the-cat
shooting-flies
shooting-for-the-moon
shooting-putty-at-the-moon
shooting-tadpoles-at-the-moon
short-strokes
shuck-the-corn
shuffle one out
shuffle-the-deck
simmulation
simple-infanticide
sing-with-Rosie
sing-an-aria
single-dingles
skanking the pickle
skeet-shooting
skin-the-bone
skin-the-lizard
slaking-the-bacon
slam-the-ham
slam-the-spam
slamming-the-ham
slamming-the-hammer
slamming-the-salami
slamming-the-salmon
slamming-the-spam
slap-boxing the one-eyed champ
slap-the-hammer
slap-the-little-head
slap-the-wapper
slapping-high-fives-with-Yul-Brynner
slapping-it
slapping-pappy
slapping-the-big-nosed-rasta-man
slapping-the-Cap'n
slapping-the-carrot
slapping-the-clown
slapping-the-donkey
slapping-the-fleshgopher
slapping-the-pud
slapping-the-purple-headed-yogurt-pistol
slapping-the-salami
slaughter-of-the-innocent
slaying-the-one-eyed-monster
slicking the willy
slide-the-shaft
slimmer
sling-one's-jelly
sling-one's-juice
slinging-the-jelly
slipping-yourself-a-mickey
slog-the-log
slopping-the-hogs
sloppy-sign-language
smacking-off
smacking-the-oompa-loompa
smacking-the-salami
smacking-the-sausage
smacking-the-weasel
smacking-your-sister
smash-the-stake
smoking-hooch-with-reagan
smoking the marlboro man
snap
snap-the-rubber
snapping-one-off
snapping-the-carrot
snapping-the-monkey
snapping-the-rubber
snapping-the-twig
snapping-the-whip
snuggle-the-nozzle
soldier's-joy
solitary-vice
solitary-sin
solo-flight
solo-marathon
solo-sex
solo-spit
spackling-the-ceiling
spam-wham
spank-the-bishop
spank-the-carrot
spank-the-hangdown
spank-the-little-boy
spank-the-wank
spank-the-wife's-best-friend
spanking-cheetah
spanking-Elvis
spanking-the-bishop
spanking-the-frank
spanking-the-monkey
spanking-the-salami
spear-chucking
sperm manicure, the
spit-polishing-the-purple-helmet
spit-one-off
spit-the-seeds
spraying-the-spectators
spreading-the-mayo
spunk-the-monk
spunking
squeeze-it-off
squeeze-off
squeezing-the-cheese
squeezing the cream (filling) from the (flesh) twinkie
squeezing-the-creamy-filter
squeezing-the-juice
squeezing-the-lemon
squeezing-the-squid
squeezing-the-weasel
squirt-n-spurt
squirt-one-off
squirt-seed
squirting-the-seed
stacking-the-deck
staff-meeting
stir-the-stew
stirring-the-batter
straddle-the-paddle
strain-the-main-vein
strain-the-vein
straining-the-spaghetti
strangle-Kojak .
strangle-the-dangle
strangle-the-stogie
strangle-Yoda
strangling-the-serpent
stretching-the-muscle
stretching the silly putty
strike-the-pink-match
stroke
stroke-off
stroke-oneself
stroke-the-beef
stroke-the-bloke
stroke-the-dog
stroke-the-lizard
stroke-the-poker
stroke-the-purple-nosed-gusset-ferret
stroke-the-stallion
stroke-the-string
stroke-the-Wookie
stroke-your-ego
strokem-your-scrotum
stroking-it
stroking-off
stroking-the-dog
stroking-the-loaf
stroking-the-lizard
stroking-the-mole
stroking-the-one-eyed-burping-gecko
stroking-the-poker
stroking-the-satin-headed-serpent
stroking-the-schlong
stroking-the-scoobie
stroking-the-squirmin'-german
stroking-the-twinkie
stroking-the-wiener
stropping-the-beak
stropping-the-mulligan
strum-the-ol'-banjo
strumming-the-banjo
suffocate-the-organ
summon-the-genie
summoning-the-semen-demon
surfing-on-the-Milky-Highway
Swedish
sweep-off
swordfighting
syphon-the-python
taffy-tugger
taffy-pulling-contest
take-a-beating
take-a-load-off-your-mind
take-a-ride-on-the-mean-spanking-machine
take-Captain-Picard-to-warp-speed
take-down-(by-hand)
take-in-hand
take-matters-into-your-own-hands
take-ol'-stiff-neck-to-the-movies
take-oneself-in-hand
taking-a-nap
taking-a-shake-break
taking-care-of-business
taking-Herman-to-the-circus
taking-matters-into-one's-own-hands
taking-ol'-one-eye-through-the-fly
taking-part-in-population-control
taking-some-time-off
taking-the-Jocelyn-Elders-midterm
taking-the-monster-for-a-one-armed-ride
talking-quietly-to-yourself
tame-the-bald-headed-mouse
tame-the-beef-weasel
tame-the-monster
taming-the-animal
taming-the-shrew
taming the snake
tango-con-mano
tap-dance
tap-dancing
taunting-the-one-eyed-weasel
TCB
teach-our-children-to-fly
teach-your-dog-to-spit
teach-Yule-Brenner-some-respect
tease-the-python
teasing-the-weenie
teasing-the-weasel
tee-off
tenderizing-the-meat
tenderizing-the-tube-steak
tenderizing your piece of pork
test-the-flashlight
testicular-tensile-strength-test
testing old faithful
testing out the magic love wand
testing-the-batteries
testing-the-testicles
that-crazy-hand-jive
there's always a solution at hand
thrap(e)
thrapping
throttle-kojak
throttle-the-turkey
throw-the-ball-around
throwing-(one)
thump-the-pump
thump-the-pumper
tickle one's cock
tickle-the-pickle
tickling old-one-eye
tickling-the-one-eyed-weasel
tickling-the-pickle
tonking
toot-the-flute
tooting-the-horn
torking-the-fork
torking-the-power-rod
torment-the-trouser-trout
torquing-the-taliwacker
torquing-the-wrench
torturing-the-tentacle
toss-him-off
toss-it-off
toss-off
toss-the-boss
tossing-off
tossing-the-caber
tossing-the-ham-javelin
tossing-the-salad
tossing-the-snag
tossing-the-turkey
tossing-yogurt
train-the-love-porpoise
treating-yourself-right
triborgasmia
trolling-for-flames
tromboning
trouser-olympics
trouser-snake-CPR
trying-to-make-One-Eyed-Willy-puke
trying to pull something off
tug-o-war with the (ol') cyclops
tugging-the-slug
tugging-the-tapioca-tube
tuning-the-fork
tuning-the-horn
turn-the-knob
turning-japanese
turning-on,-tuning-in-and-dropping-out
tussle with your muscle
twang-the-wire
tweak-the-twiddle
tweak-the-twinkie
tweaking-the-twinkie
twirl-the-squirrel
twist-the-turnip
twisting-the-crank
twisting-the-piston
twisting-the-tool
unclog-the-pipes
unclogging-the-sink
unleash-the-fury
unloading-passengers-from-the-five-car-train
unloading-the-gun
Uncle-Frank
unrolling the turtle neck
unsheathing-the-pork-sword
unsheathing the shlong
uprooting-the-big-mushroom
using the force (on Darth Vader)
vanilla puke session
varnish-one's-cane
varnish-the-cane
varnish-the-pole
varnish-the-stick
varnishing-the-flagpole
verifying your manhood
violating-the-hedge-hog
visit-Mary-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
visit-Mrs.-Palm-and-her-5-daughters
visit-Rosy-Palm-and-her-five-daughters
visiting Merry (or Mary) Palmer
visiting Mother Thumb and her four daughters
visiting-the-notary-public
wack (off)
wack-the-weasel
wack-your-squack
wacker
wacking-off
wacking-the-one-eyed-worm
wacking-the-weasel
wacking-the-willie
wacking-Wee-Willie-Wonka
wackomatic
waking-the-dead
walk-the-dog
walking-old-one-eye
walking the bearded one-eyed love dog
walking-the-dog
walking the one eyed dog
walking-the-paraket
walking-the-plank
walking-the-snake
walking-Willie-the-one-eyed-wonder-worm
wallop-the-sausage
wallop-the-weiner
waltz-with-Willy
wang-off
wank
wank-off
wank-on-it
wank-the-crank
wanker-the-anchor
wanking-(off)
wanking-one-eyed-Willy
wanking-the-one-eyed-wonder-worm
wanking-the-scube
wanking-with-the-one-eyed-wonder-weasel
wapping-your-weenie
warming-up-the-altar-boys'-dinner
wash-the-cosh
washing-the-goose's-neck
washing-the-hog
washing-the-lighthouse
washing-the-meat
waste-a-short-time
waste-time
wasting-babies
watch-the-eyelid-movies
wave-the-wand
waving-the-magic-wand
wax-the-beam
wax-the-bean
wax-the-board
wax-the-Buick
wax-the-candle-stick
wax-the-carrot
wax-the-dolphin
wax-the-womb-broom
waxing-the-car
waxing-the-carrot
waxing the pole
waxing-the-surfboard
waxing-the-t-bird
wearing-a-fat-guys-slacks
whack
whack-it
whack-little-Mac
whack-off
whack-the-bishop
whack-the-pud
whack-the-yak
whack-your-Magic-Johnson
whacking-it
whacking-off
whacking the one-eyed-worm
whacking-the-weasel
whacking-Wee-Willie-Winkie
whacking-willy
whacking your pud
whank
whank-off
whank-pit
whipping the snot out of one-eyed goofy
whiffing-an-easy-fairway-shot
whip-it
whip-off
whip-the-cat
whip-the-devil
whip-the-dripper
whip-the-dummy
whip-the-weenie
whip-the-wire
whip-the-worm
whipping-dripping
whipping-off
whipping-the-bishop
whipping-the-dripper
whipping-the-dummy
whipping-the-one-eyed-trouser-snake
whipping the pony
whipping the rat
whipping-the-stiff
whipping-the-weasel
whipping-the-wire
whipping up some baby batter
whipping-up-some-sour-cream
whipping-Willy-the-one-eyed-wonder-worm
whipping-your-Willy
white-water wristing
whittle-the-wood
whittling-Dixie
whittling-the-stick
whiz-the-jizzum
whizzing-jism
whizzing-the-jism
whizzing the jizzum
wienering
wiggling-the-worm
Willie-and-the-hand-jive
Willy Wonkin'
winding-the-jack-in-the-box
winding-the-Wurlitzer
windsurf-on-Mount-Baldy
winning a taffy-pulling-contest
wobbling my woodle
wonk-your-conker
work (oneself) off
workin'-the-jerkin
working-in-the-garden
working-off
working-off-a-batch
working-out-a-stiff-joint
working-your-willy
worshiping-the-finger-prince
worshiping-the-fist-prince
worshipping the white god of seed
wrench-off
wrestle-the-bald-headed-champion
wrestle-the-cyclops
wrestling-the-bald(-headed)-champion
wrestling-the-cyclops
wrestling-the-eel
wrestling-the-one-eyed-monster
wrestling-the-purple-headed-warrior
wrestling the snake
wrestling-with-the-bald(-headed)-champ
wrestling-with-the-blue-veined-custard-chucker
wring-the-rattlesnake
wringing (the cheesy bell)
wringing-out-the-rope
wrist-aerobics
wrist-job
wrist-off
wristing
yang-the-wang
yank
yank-off
yank-the-crank
yank-the-dork
yank-the-doodle
yank-the-plank
yank-the-shlong
yank-the-strap
yank-the-wang
yank-the-Yoda
yank-the-yak
yank-the-yam
yank-your-strap
yank-your-wank
yank-yourself-(off)
Yankee-your-Wankee
yanking the penal cord
yanking-the-plank
yanking-the-yoyo
yanking
yanking-off
yanking-the-crank
yucking your choad


See Also: manual job, manual labor, make fist-kabobs, lubing the tube, maintaining a holding pattern, lightening the load, lighting the candle, lighting the pipe, little pinky hit the slinky, loading the cannon, looking for ticks, love's labors lost, loving the muppet, masonic secret self handshake, massage the fireman's neck, massage the one-eyed monk, massage your muscle, massage your purple-headed warrior, master bacon, maximize your potency, measuring for condoms, meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters, meet your right-hand man, meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters, meeting Rosie Hancock, meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, milk the chicken, milk the lizard, milk the maggot, milking the bull, milking the cow, milking the moose, milking the musket, milking the weasel, milkywaying, minding my own business, molesting the mole, monkey-slapping, monkey-spanking, moving into a one-bedroom apartment, much goo about nothing, mule breeding, murder the Bishop, manual override, manually-assisted wet dream, manustupration, nerking the throbber, oiling the glove, oiling the pogo stick, Onan's Olympics, onanera, one-eye target practice, one gun salute, one-legged race, one man show, one man tug-o-war, one off the wrist, one-stick drum improvisation, one-two, honking Bobo, ignite the lightsaber, installing a burglar alarm, invading Poland, ironing some wrinkles, jack hammering, jam the joystick, jerk job, jerk the gherkin, jerking jamby, jerking the gherkin, jerking the noodle, jerking the turkey, jerking the wheel, jiggling the dice, jiggling your cockanballs, jimmying the joey, jiring one's wad, jizzlobbing, J/O scene, jacking, jacking off, juggling the coullions, keep a date with bobby palm and his five brother, kicking seamen, killing it, kneading the knockwurst, knuckle shuffle, knuckling the bone, launching the hand shuttle, launching the head of a world-cup golfer, launching the tadpoles, leaking the main drain, make love with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, make love with Rosy Palm and her five sisters, make silly with the Willy, making a foreskin cone, making a six-fist, making duck butter, making friends with Big Ed, making instant pudding, making love with Miss Right, making nut butter, making oyster soup, making the scene with the magazine, making vanilla jism shakes, making yogurt, making yourself at home, mangling the midget, manipulating the mango, manning the cannon, manning the cockpit, flog the infidel, flogging the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the mule, flogging the poodle, flogging the salami, flogging your dumber brother, flogging your pride, flick the BIC, flipping the bishop, flub the dub, flute solo, fly fishing, fondling the fig, freeing Willy, frigging the love muscle, frosting the pastries, gallop the goose, gallop the maggot, gallop the old lizard, galloping the lizard, getting a date with slick mittens, getting a grip on things, getting a hold of yourself, getting a little off-hand, getting chafed, getting gnarly with the knudster, getting in touch with your manhood, getting in touch with yourself, getting stripped of your grammy, getting the german soldier marching, getting the glue stick, getting your caps peeled, getting your end away, getting your palm read, getting your palm read by Mister Softee, getting your pole varnished, gherkin-jerking, gilding the lily, giving the general a five-finger salute, giving Yul Brenner the high-five, glazing the knuckle, gluing the lady's eye shut, go a couple rounds with the champ(ion), go back to the wig-wam and beat the tom-tom, going eye to eye with Johnny Hung, going on a date with Handrea, going on a date with Palmela, going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters, going on Peewee's little adventure, going on the blow, going on the dole, going out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters, fuck palmala, going a couple of rounds with Ol' Josh, greasing the flagpole, greasing the pipe, greasing your bone, grappling the gorilla, grinding the goo shooter, grip the gorilla, grip the tip, gripping Flipper, gripping the pencil, growing hair on the palms, gushing the geyser, hack the hog, hack the mack, ham-boning, ham shank, Han Solo, hand solo, hand fuck, hand gallop, hand game, hand labor, hand to gland combat, hand work, handful of pleasure, a, handling the hard on, hands on training, handy work, hanging five, hanging the old man, hard labor, having a ball, having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake, having a date with Fisty Palmer, having a five-knuckle-shuffle, having a ham shank, having a one-night-stand with yourself, having a roy, having a sherman, having a tug-of-war with the cyclops, having a whack attack, having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel, having one off the wrist, helping the python shed its skin, herkin' the gherkin, hit on Rosy Palm, have a date with a handkerchief, hitchhiking underneath the big top, holding my own, holding on to a family heirloom, holding the sausage hostage, holding your sausage hostage, hotdog-a-rama, housebreaking the cat, humping air, humping the hose, hurting Burt until he squirts, addressing Mr. Palmer, adjusting your set, ambidexterity, answer the bone-a-phone, applying for a fishing liscence, applying the hand brake, arm aerobics, arm breaker, 5-digit disco, a date with Manuela, a date with Senorita Mano, a visit from Mother Fist, assault on a friendly weapon, attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior, auditioning the hand puppet, bachelor's delight, backstroke roulette, banging the drum, bashing the bishop, bashing the candle, bashing the dummy, bat off, batting practice, battling the purple-helmeted warrior, beating off, beating the bait, beating the bed flute, beating the bishop, beating the bologna, beating the boner, beating the meat, beating the old man, beating the piss outta my best friend, beating the pud, beating the snake, beating your meat on the toilet seat, beef-stroke-it-off, balls deep into your fist, biffing off, big date with Rosy Palms, big stroke time, bishoprage, blowing your own horn, bludgeon the beefsteak, blue-vein shuffle, bob the bologna, bobbing the boloney, bollock service, bologna bop, bombing the German helmet, bop the mop, bopping Richard, bopping the bishop, bopping the bologna, bopping the bonzo, boxing the bald champ, boxing the bald-headed clown, boxing the ballsack, boxing the Bozak, boxing the clown, boxing with Richard, bucking it, buff the dog, buff the mushroom, buff the pylon, buffing, buffing the banana, buffing the bishop, buffing the helmet, buffing the magic lamp, buffing the rifle, buffing the wood, buggering the hand, burp the baldman, burp the worm, burping the baby, burping the worm, bury the salami, bury the weenie, buttering the corn, buttering the muffin, armswinging, bleed the goose, bloating the vein, calling all cum, calling down for more mayo, capturing the bishop, carrying weight, catching a case of whackinitis, celebrating Palm Sunday, charming the snake, cheat the meat, charm the cobra, chicken-grabbing, chipping wood, choke hold, choke the chook, choke the gopher, choking Charlie 'till he throws up, choking Kojak, choking the bald guy until he pukes, choking the chipmunk, choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come, climbing Mount Baldy, climbing the tree, clobbering the kleenex, closet frisbee, closing the deal, clubbing eddy, coating prince william sound with love oil, cock the cannon, clamming the engram, cleaning the rifle, cleaning the storm-drains, coming to grips with yourself, conking the cardinal, consult Dr. Jerkoff, converse with Harry Palm, cooking the cream of cock, corralling the tadpoles, couch hockey for one, cracking the bat, creaming the cheese, creaming the twinkie, create an arch, crimping the wire, crown the king, cuddling the kielbasa, colonel sanders heimleich maneuver, cracking nuts, culture the American Blood Sausage, cum the scum, Custer's last stand, dance with Johnnie One-eye, cranking the corona, date Miss Michigan, dating the Palm sisters, dating Thumbalina and her four sisters, decongesting the weasel, defrosting the fridge, diddling the dinky, digital manipulation of the coital apparatus, digitally oscillating the penis, dating Manuella, dinging the dong, dinky the slinky, disciplining the primate, disseminating, do the Han Solo, docking in shuttle bay 5, doddle whacking, doing battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love, doing handiwork, doing hard time in the hand slammer, doing it your way, doing the hand jive, doing the janitor thing, doing the pork sword jiggle, doing the solitary rhumba, doing the white knuckler, dong flogging, downing at the club (for members only), draining the monster, draining the poisons from the building, drilling for oil in your own backyard, driving the skin bus, dropping a line, dropping stomach pancakes, dry humping the ottoman, dundering the devil, dusting the old trophy, educating Peter, electing the president, encapsulate your probe, engaging in internal revenue service, erupting the volcano, erupting Vesuvius, escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell, evicting the testicular squatters, excercise your rights, experiencing men-o-paws, fanny fumbling, faxing Jimmy Dean, faxing the pope, feeding the chooks, feeding your trouser-mouse, feel in one's pocket for one's big hairy rocket, fidget the midget, fire the wobbly warhead, firing off a round, firing the flesh musket, firing the surgeon general, firm the worm, fishing for trouser trout, fishing for zipper trout, fist flick, feed the spunk-o-meter, file the fun-rod, filling up the belly button well, fist kebabing 101, fist of fury, five against Willy, five finger boogie on the blue vein, five finger discount, five finger exercise(s), five finger knuckle shuffle, five finger lingo, five-finger solo, five fingers against one penis, five knuckle olympics, five-knuckle-shuffle (on the old piss pump), five on one, flapping takkie, flaying the emperor, flog it, packaging the ol' sausage, packing the palm, paddling the peter, paddling the pickle, paddling the robin, paint the ceiling, painting the pickle, painting the walls, peeling some chilies, peeling the banana, peeling the carrot, peeling the chile, performing a self-test, performing an organ solo, performing diagnostics on your mantool, performing for Mr. Swaggart, petting the snake, petting the Wookie, petting your dog, phoning the czar, piddle the pud, pink piston practice, pipping the pumpkin, pitch a knuckle ball, play a flute solo on one's meat whistle, palming the calm, Palmala Handerson, passing math, playing a bass solo, playing a little five-on-one, playing a little game of five on one, playing a one-stringed guitar, playing a solo on the meat whistle, playing in a one-man show, playing peek-a-boo (with Mr. Johnson), playing pocket pinball, playing soapy Peter, playing tag with the pink torpedo, playing the flesh flute, playing the flesh trombone, playing the fiddle, playing the hairy banjo, playing the man-flute, playing the one-stringed melody, playing the pink oboe, playing the skin flute, playing tug-o-war with the cyclops, playing uno, playing with dick, playing with it, playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends, playing with the man in the boat, playing with the pink Power Ranger, playing with the spitting llama, playing with the turtle, playing with your big Alien, playing with your 6th finger, playing Yahtzee, pleasing the pisser, plucking the chicken, plunking the twanger, point one's social finger, polish the bayonet, polish the chrome dome, polish the horn, polish the log, polish the Oscar, polish the pole, polish the shooter, polish the viper, polishing Charlie Brown, polishing Percy in your palm, polishing the beak, polishing the family jewels, polishing the helmet, polishing the night stick, polishing the pud, polishing the rocket, polishing the silver, polishing the sword, popping the purple pimple, popping the zit, Portuguese pump, pounding off, pounding the bald-headed moose, pounding the flounder, pounding the pud, pounding the pudding, pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin, preparing the carrot, prime the pump, prime the womb cannon, priming the pump, prodding the half-cooked pastrami, producing whore moans, prompt the porpoise, prostate maintenance, pub the dub, pud-pulling, pud wrestling, pudwhacking, pull the pope, pulling the bologna pony, pulling the carrot, pulling the colonel sanders heimleich manuever, pulling the cord, pulling the five-knuckle shuffle, pulling the goalie, pulling the handbrake, pulling the mule, pulling the pole, pulling the pope, pulling the pud, pulling the putz, pulling the taffy, pulling the weed, pulling the wire, pulling your goalie, pulling your own leg, pulling your prick, pummel the love truncheon, pummeling the priest, pump the monkey, pump the python, pumping cream, pumping for pleasure, pumping for power, pumping the electric goo gun, pumping the gas at the self-service island, pumping the stump, punching the clown, punchin' the munchkin, punching the puppet, punish Percy in the palm, punish the Harlequin, punish the penguin, punishing the pope, pushing the daisy and make it cum, qualifying in the testicular time trial, R2 your D2, rapid one arm pull-ups, ravage the innocent, reading poetry, returning to sender, ride the great white knuckler, riding the great white knuckler, ringing for the elevator, roasting chestnuts, rod-walloping, rolling the fleshy blunt, rolling your own, Roman helmet rumba, romancing Lady Five Fingers, Romeo and himself, roping the long horn, roping the pony, roping the pope, roughing up the suspect, pull the duck's neck, pull the pin, pulling off, pulling on Peter, run one's hand up the flagpole, running off a batch by hand, running Peter through two-a-days, running the cheeta, running the 100-yard dash, running the whack-a-thon, sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights, sailors' joy, sanding the banister, sanding wood, informal values, schnauzer shuffleboard, schplitzing the schmeckel, scouring the tower of power, scraping the horn, se branler, se crosser, se faire les cinq doigts de la main, se passer un poignet, secret handshake, see Madam(e) Thumb and her four daughters, self-induced penile regurgitation, serta solo, setting off a depth charge, setting the oysters, shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln, shaking hands with Jack Mcnasty, shaking hands with Little Elvis, shaking hands with Mr. Happy, shaking hands with Mr. President, shaking hands with Shorty, shaking hands with the General, shaking hands with the guy that stood up when I got married, shaking hands with the midget, shaking hands with the unemployed, shaking hands with the wife's best friend, shaking hands with your John Thomas, shaking hands with Yul Brenner, shaking the bottle, shaking the dice, shaking the hand of the self-employed, shaking the hand of the unemployed, shaking the sauce, shaking the sausage, shaking the snake, shaking your fist at the sky, shaking your hand at the sky, shaking your (own) maracas, shanking, rubbing one out, rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel, rubbing the pink eraser, rubbing the rod, raising the mainsail, shifting gears, shifting into first gear, shine the pole, shining the helmet, shining the pole, shining the pork sword, shooting flies, shooting for the moon, shooting (off) the muck, shooting putty at the moon, shooting tadpoles at the moon, shuck the corn, shuffle the deck, shuffling the Kit-Kat, shake it up, shellacking the shellaleigh, shemping the hog, single dingles, slaking the bacon, slamming the ham, slamming the hammer, slamming the salami, slamming the salmon, slamming the spam, slap the hammer, slap the little head, slap the wapper, slapping high fives with Yul Brynner, slapping it, slapping pappy, slapping the big-nosed rasta man, slapping the Cap'n, slapping the carrot, slapping the clown, slapping the donkey, slapping the fleshgopher, slapping the pud, slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol, slapping the salami, slaying the one-eyed monster, sling one's jelly, sling one's juice, slinging the jelly, slipping yourself a mickey, slog the log, slopping the hogs, sloppy sign language, smacking-off, smacking the oompa loompa, smacking the salami, smacking the sausage, smacking the weasel, smacking your sister, smoking hooch with reagan, snap the rubber, snapping one off, snapping the carrot, snapping the monkey, snapping the rubber, snapping the twig, snapping the whip, snuggle the nozzle, soldier's joy, spank the bishop, spank the carrot, spank the hangdown, spank the little boy, spank the wank, spank the wife's best friend, spanking cheetah, spanking Elvis, spanking the bishop, spanking the frank, spanking the salami, spear chucking, squeezing the creamy filter, squeezing the juice, squeezing the lemon, squeezing the squid, squeezing the weasel, squirt-n-spurt, spraying the spectators, spunk the monk, spunking, spit-polishing the purple helmet, stacking the deck, staff meeting, straining the spaghetti, strangle Kojak, strangle the dangle, strangle the stogie, strangle Yoda, strangling the serpent, stretching the muscle, strike the pink match, stroke the Wookie, stroke your ego, strokem your scrotum, stroking it, stroking off, stroking the dog, stroking the lizard, stroking the loaf, stroking the mole, stroking the one-eyed burping gecko, stroking the poker, stroking the satin-headed serpent, stroking the schlong, stroking the scoobie, stroking the squirmin' german, stroking the twinkie, stroking the wiener, stropping the beak, stropping the mulligan, strum the ol' banjo, stirring the batter, straddle the paddle, strain the main vein, stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret, summon the genie, summoning the semen demon, surfing on the Milky Highway, take a load off your mind, take a ride on the mean spanking machine, take Captain Picard to warp speed, taking a nap, taking a shake break, taking a trip south, taking Herman to the circus, taking matters into one's own hands, taking old one-eye to the optometrist, taking ol' one eye through the fly, taffy-pulling contest, take ol' stiff neck to the movies, taking some time off, taking the Jocelyn Elders midterm, taking the monster for a one-armed ride, taking the old skin boat to tuna town, talking quietly to yourself, taming goliath, taming the animal, taming the shrew, tango con mano, taunting the one-eyed weasel, teach our children to fly, teach your dog to spit, tenderizing the meat, tenderizing the tube steak, test the flashlight, testicular tensile strength test, testing the batteries, testing the testicles, that crazy hand jive, teasing the weasel, teasing the weenie, thrapping, thump the pump, thump the pumper, tickle the pickle, tickling the one-eyed weasel, toot the flute, tooting the horn, torking the fork, torking the power rod, torment the trouser trout, torquing the taliwacker, torquing the wrench, torturing the tentacle, toss the boss, tossing off, tossing the caber, tossing the ham javelin, tossing the salad, tossing the snag, tossing the turkey, tossing yogurt, train the love porpoise, trolling for flames, trouser olympics, trouser snake CPR, trying to make One-Eyed Willy puke, tugging the slug, tugging the tapioca tube, tuning the fork, tuning the horn, tweak the twinkie, tweaking the twinkie, twirl the squirrel, twist the turnip, twisting the crank, twisting the piston, twisting the tool, unclogging the sink, unleash the fury, unloading passengers from the five-car train, unloading the gun, unsheathing the pork sword, uprooting the big mushroom, using the force on Darth Vader, varnishing the flagpole, violating the hedge-hog, visit Mary Thumb and her four daughters, turning japanese, turning on, tuning in and dropping out, visit Rosy Palm and her five daughters, visiting Merry Palmer, visiting the notary public, walk the dog, walking old one-eye, walking the dog, walking the plank, walking the snake, walking Willie the one eyed wonder worm, waltz with Willy, wank the crank, wanker the anchor, wanking one-eyed Willy, wanking the one-eyed wonder worm, wanking the scube, wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel, wapping your weenie, warming up the altar boys' dinner, wash the cosh, washing the goose's neck, washing the hog, washing the lighthouse, washing the meat, wacking off, wacking the one-eyed worm, wacking the weasel, wacking the willie, wacking Wee Willie Wonka, wave the wand, wax the carrot, wax the dolphin, wax the womb-broom, waxing the car, waxing the carrot, waxing the surfboard, waxing the t-bird, wearing a fat guys slacks, whack little Mac, whacking off, whacking the weasel, whacking Wee Willie Winkie, whacking willy, whipping the bishop, whipping the dripper, whipping the dummy, whipping the one-eyed trouser snake, whipping the stiff, whipping the weasel, whipping the wire, whipping up some sour cream, whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm, whipping your Willy, white water wristing, whittle the wood, whittling Dixie, whittling the stick, whiz the jizzum, whizzing jism, whizzing the jism, whip the cat, whip the devil, whip the dummy, whip the wire, whip the dripper, whip the weenie, whip the worm, whipping dripping, wax the Buick, whank off, whiffing an easy fairway shot, wiggling the worm, Willie and the hand jive, winding the jack in the box, winding the Wurlitzer, windsurf on Mount Baldy, workin' the jerkin, working off, working off a batch, working out a stiff joint, working your willy, worshiping the finger prince, worshiping the fist prince, worshiping the white god of seed, wrestle the bald-headed champion, wrestle the cyclops, wrestling the bald(-headed) champion, wrestling the cyclops, wrestling the eel, wrestling the one-eyed monster, wrestling the purple headed warrior, wrestling with the blue-veined custard chucker, wringing (it), wringing out the rope, wringing the cheesy bell, wrist aerobics, wrist job, wonk the conker, wonk your conker, wonking the conker, wonking the donk, wristing, yank the crank, yank the doodle, yank the dork, yank the plank, yank the shlong, yank the strap, yank the wang, yank the yak, yank the yam, yank the Yoda, yanking the crank, yanking the plank, yanking the yoyo, yucking your choad, Yankee your Wankee, yanking, Uncle Frank, dildo doodling, caning the vandal, break one off, articulate the archdeacon, check the oil, checking for impotence, checking for testicular cancer, cheesing off, charge the rod, catch up with Popeye, clearing the snorkel, clamping the pipe, come into your own, come the turkey, comforting Gary Coleman, coming one's mutton, chong your schlong, choke the bad guy, choke the chicken, charm the serpent, bop the baloney, bang the banjo, bang the bishop, bang the wanger, bequeath your genes, beat, beat meat, beat one's little brother, beat Pete, beat the bald-headed bandit, beat the bishop, beat the dork, beat the goose, beat the hog, beat the pud, beat the pup, beat the tom-tom, beat your meat like it owes you money, beating it with a smile on your face, ball off, balling off, accosting the Oscar Meyer, activating cruise control, armswing, discipline your soldier, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, dicky-whacking, date mother palm and her five daughters, date Palmala Handerson, cream your corn, creamed beef, doing your own thing, dollop the weener, do the wet-n-stinky, do yourself off, do a dry waltz with oneself, do the dew, disobey the Pope, dancing with the captain, cracking off, cuff the carrot, cuff the dummy, cuff the meat, cuff the puppy, crank the cream, crank the cream separator, crank the love pump, crank the monkey, crank the shaft, crank the shank, cranking for cum, court Madam Knuckle, crab tease, crack off a batch, flog (oneself), flog the dog, flog the dolphin, flog the dong, flog the dummy, flog the goose, flog the hog, flex one's sex, flick on over the thumb, fist the mister, fisting the mister, fire the hand cannon, feed the stick, fist-fuck, fist it off, fidget with the digit, fight the champ, fight the turkey, feed the ducks, feed the fist, express yourself (manually), empty the cannon, dry-firing the musket, draw on a length, drain Charle's Dickens, doodle the noodle, buck the bone, doing a little soft-shoe, husk it, hug the hog, hump the horn, hump the hose, hone the bone, hold the bold, have a wank, have one off the wrist, hit the ham, having dinner, having a tug, haul your own ashes, hack off, grip it, grease the goofy, grind off, fuck the fist, fuck your fist, grab the flab, go on a hand diet, go to war with yourself, give it a one-gun salute, give oneself a handjob, give oneself a low five, giving it a tug, get gravel for the goose, get some self, get some trim, fuck Mary Fist, fuck one's fist, friggit, friggle, frig off, flog, flog a dead horse, flog a willing horse, flong the dong, flopping beef, flog the lizard, flog the log, flog the meat, flog the mutton, flog the old whipping-boy, flog the pork, flog the pup, flog the sausage, flog the whipping-boy, flogging the dog, flogging the dolphin, flogging the dong, knock on wood, knock the top off, knead your dough, kick the gong around, jag off, jog off, jiggle the jewelry, jerk the johnson, jerk the joint, jerk the rope, jerk the Turk, jerk the turkey, jerk your jewels, jeff off, jerk Jamby, jerk jelly, jack the corn, jack the joystick, jack the sack, jack your jizz, jack yourself, jack hammer, hot rod it, oscillating the Oscar Meyer, pack the palm, night-club, manuxorate, mustard on the burger, mix up a batch, milking one's self, lube the cord, looking askance, make love to ones fist, unclog the pipes, visit Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters, wang off, twang the wire, tweak the twiddle, whank, whack off, whack the bishop, whack the pud, whack the yak, whack your Magic Johnson, whacking it, whack, whack it, waving the magic wand, wax the beam, wax the bean, wax the board, waste a short time, watch the eyelid movies, yank your strap, yank your wank, yank yourself (off), yang the wang, yank (it), yank off, work it off, work off, work oneself off, wrist-off, wrench off, wonk off, whip it, wax the candle-stick, whipping off, wienering, turn the knob, throttle kojak, throttle the turkey, throw the ball around, throwing (one), tee off, tame the beef weasel, tame the monster, thrap(e), teach Yule Brenner some respect, tease the python, tap-dance, take oneself in hand, take in hand, sweep off, stroke the string, stroke the stallion, shift gears, suffocate the organ, strain the vein, stroke off, stroke oneself, stroke the beef, stroke the bloke, stroke the dog, stroke the lizard, stroke the poker, stir the stew, spit the seeds, squeeze it off, squeeze off, squeezing the cheese, squirt one off, squirt seed, squirting the seed, spit one off, solo flight, solo marathon, solo spit, spackling the ceiling, spam wham, smash the stake, slide the shaft, slimmer, slam the ham, slam the spam, skin the bone, skin the lizard, shake the snake, shake the weasel, sing with Rosie, sing an aria, shoot skeet, shoot the cat, rake your meat, ram the ham, rub the tub, shake hands with the governor, run a batch, run off by hand, she-bop, salute the sailor, just jerkin' it, pump oneself off, pull the pole, pull the joint, pull the peter, rowing the boat, rub off by hand, rub one out, rub the knob, rub the (little) head, rub the magic lamp, raise the flag, pull the pork, pull the pud, pull the root, pull the taffy, pull wire, pull your prick, pulling a solo session, puff the one-eyed dragon, pull it (off), pull one off, pull one's dong, pull one's joint, pull one's wang, pull putz, prune the fifth limb, pound it, pound off, pound the bobo, pound the flounder, pound the meat, pound the peenie, pound the pud, popping a nut, popping the cork, please the pisser, pat me muller, pat the Robertson, play the male organ, play the piss pipe, play with Willy Wanker, play with your Willy Wanker, play pocket billiards, perm the poodle, palm it, yanking off, take a beating, play the bones, raising Lazarus from the dead, pump one's pickle, rub the radish, pulling rank, Sherman tank, tame the bald-headed mouse, toss him off, triborgasmia, wackomatic, wack the weasel, wack your squack, make a bald man cry, make a milkshake, in hand, jerk the mutton, juice the fruit, knitting, Levy and Frank, going cabareting, color in the coloring book, dash one's doodle, dilly with the willy, blanket drill, brandle, chicken-milking, cock your shotgun, blooch, bring up by hand, cabareting, taking part in population control, doing a hand job, manual exercise(s), manual gratification, manual orgasm, manual persuasion, manual pollution, manual release, manual sex, manual titillation, sew, strumming the banjo, taffy tugger,

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master of ceremonies
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masterpiece
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