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The Language of Love, Lust, Sex
and All the Many-Splendored Things in Between in Teenspeak - Jockspeak - Menglish - Slanglish - Spanglish
Gaylese - Americanese - Britspeak - Ozslang - Funetic
Populo-Vulgar Speech - T-Shirt & Net Shorthand
Pompo-Verbosity & other Figurative Lingos
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masturbation:
Manual stimulation of one's-own or someone else's genitals , usually until orgasm . Until recently, masturbation was regarded as a vice, a sin , and a form of defilement and one of the superstitions put about to discourage it was that overindulgence caused feeblemindedness. In his Onanism: or Treatise upon the Disorders Produced by Masturbation (1766), A. Hume warns the reader that the perverse and degenerate practice of onania can cause insanity, deafness, blindness, hairy palms, and withering away of the penis . Reverend Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) preached that ejaculation deprived a man of the ' vital fluids ' essential to maintain ' vital energies ' (health and vitality), each time a man ejaculates he risks his physical health. Graham preached against the dangers of ' wasting the seed ' by masturbation or even by frequent marital intercourse . ETYMOLOGY: From the Latin masturbari , to disturb with the hand, possibly derived from masdo , virile-member . The word masturbation is believed to have been used in English for the first time in A. Hume's Treatise (1766), but in Gulliver's Travels (1728), Swift makes the following puns: ' My master , Mr. Bates ' and ' poor Master Bates '.
See masturbation , masturbation-male and masturbation-female [SYN] for synonyms.
QUOTES:
(1) Tom Waits: ' I'm not weird or anything. I don't tie myself up first .'
(2) Truman Capote: ' The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up-for-it '
(3) James Joyce: ' Masturbation! The amazing availability of it! '
(4) Harold Palms: ' When beating-off is outlawed, only outlaws will beat-off .'
(5) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(6) Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ' There's one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don't have to look your best .'
(7) Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ' Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love .' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ' I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic .'
(8) Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ' Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had plenty of sex . It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner .'
(9) Countess Alexandrovna (Olga Georges-Picot) and Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975):
-- Alex: ' You are the greatest lover I ever had .'
-- Boris : ' Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone .'
(10) Juliet Forrest (Rachel Ward) to Rigby Reardon (Steve Martin) in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982): ' If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles .'
(11) Duffy (Gene Wilder) and Dr. Benjamin (David Margulies) in Funny About Love (1990):
-- Duffy: ' You want me to put some sperm into this little cup? '
-- Doctor: ' That's right, Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Wait a minute! You know , you make this sound easy, but I've never done this before .'
-- Doctor: ' Come, come , Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Twice!? You want me to do-it twice. We'll be here all day .'
(12) Ford (Andrew Dice Clay) speaking of Zuzu Petals in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990): ' Talking to Zuzu was like masturbating with a cheese grater; slightly amusing but mostly painful .'
(13) Wayne Campbell (Mike Meyers) speaking of model Claudia Schiffer in Wayne's World (1992): ' She's a babe! (...) She tested very high on the Stroke-Ability-Scale .'
(14) Mickey Gordon (Billy Crystal) to the nurse at the fertility clinic in Forget Paris (1995):
-- Nurse: ' We have X-rated tapes in case you need some help .'
-- Mickey : ' Help!? Hahahaha! Help? I lettered in this in high school. I used to carry a picture of my right hand in my wallet .'
(15) Agent 3.14 (Nicolette Sheridan) to WD40 / Dick Steel (Leslie Nielsen) in Spy Hard (1998): ' Do you always take matters into your own hands? '
(16) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(17) Graffito: ' Man who go-to-bed-with problem in-hand wake up in the morning with solution at his finger tips .'
(18) From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ' Minorbation is good during depression .' b) ' One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand .'
(19) From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ' I come here to get ahold of myself .' Mens' room graffito. b) ' More than three shakes is masturbation .' Mens' room graffito. c) ' Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today .'
(20) Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ' Playing with oneself (18-20 th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20 th C .) in less than four minutes .'
(21) Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ' Masturbation is the thief of love .'
See Also: manual job, manual labor, make fist-kabobs, manual override, manually-assisted wet dream, manustupration, masonic secret self handshake, making a finger sandwich, making a foreskin cone, making a six-fist, making duck butter, making five fingers, making friends with Big Ed, making instant pudding, making love with Miss Right, making nut butter, making oyster soup, making soup, making the kitty purr, making the oysters smile, making the scene with the magazine, making vanilla jism shakes, making yogurt, making yourself at home, man overboard, mangling the midget, manipulating the mango, manning the cannon, manning the cockpit, lightening the load, lighting the candle, lighting the pipe, lip smacking, little pinky hit the slinky, little southern romance, loading the cannon, levy break limbo, lonely art, loob the goob, looking for ticks, looking for uboats, love's labors lost, loving the muppet, loving thy self, lubing the tube, maintaining a holding pattern, make love with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, make love with Rosy Palm and her five sisters, make silly with the Willy, make the tide come in, maximize your potency, measuring for condoms, meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters, meet your right-hand man, meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters, meeting Rosie Hancock, meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, menage a un, massage the fireman's neck, massage the one-eyed monk, massage your muscle, massage your purple-headed warrior, master bacon, merry widow waltz, milking the bull, milking the cow, milking the moose, milking the musket, milking the weasel, milkywaying, minding my own business, milk the chicken, milk the lizard, milk the maggot, molesting the mole, monkey-slapping, monkey-spanking, moving into a one-bedroom apartment, moving the stone, much goo about nothing, muff ruffing, muffing buffing, mule breeding, murder the Bishop, My sex life!, navel maneuvers, nerking the throbber, non-penile pleasure pursuit, nulling the void, nuzzle the fuzz, mistressbate, oiling the glove, oiling the pogo stick, on the waterslide, Onan's Olympics, onanera, onania, one-legged race, one man show, one man tug-o-war, one off the wrist, one-stick drum improvisation, one-two, one-eye target practice, one gun salute, packaging the ol' sausage, packing the palm, paddling the peter, paddling the pickle, paddling the pink canoe, paddling the robin, paint the ceiling, painting the pickle, painting the walls, palming the calm, Palmala Handerson, Palmolive finger dip, pampering the pussy, parting the petals, parting the red sea, parting the waters, passing math, pause that refreshes, the, pearl fishing, peeling some chilies, peeling the banana, peeling the carrot, peeling the chile, performing a pearl jam, performing a self-test, performing an organ solo, performing diagnostics on your mantool, performing for Mr. Swaggart, perling the oyster, petal pushing, petting kitty, petting Snoopy, petting the bunny, petting the kitty, petting the lizard, petting the pussy, petting the snake, petting the Wookie, petting your dog, phoning the czar, piddle the pud, pink piston practice, pipping the pumpkin, pitch a knuckle ball, pitching in the bush leagues, play a flute solo on one's meat whistle, playing tag with the pink torpedo, playing the beaver, playing the flesh flute, playing the flesh trombone, playing the fiddle, playing the hairy banjo, playing the man-flute, playing the one-stringed melody, playing the pink oboe, playing the silent trombone, playing the skin flute, playing the slots, playing tug-o-war with the cyclops, playing uno, playing with dick, playing with it, playing a bass solo, playing a little five-on-one, playing a little game of five on one, playing a one-stringed guitar, playing a solo on the meat whistle, playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends, playing with the man in the boat, playing with the pineapple, playing with the pink Power Ranger, playing with the spitting llama, playing with the turtle, playing with your big Alien, playing with your 6th finger, playing Yahtzee, pleasing the pisser, plucking the chicken, plumbing the bottomless pit of passion, plunking the twanger, playing in a one-man show, playing peek-a-boo (with Mr. Johnson), playing piano, playing pocket pinball, playing soapy Peter, point one's social finger, polish the log, polish the Oscar, polish the pole, polish the shooter, polish the viper, polishing Charlie Brown, polishing Percy in your palm, polishing the beak, polishing the family jewels, polishing the helmet, polishing the night stick, polishing the nugget, polishing the peanut, polishing the pearl, polishing the pud, polishing the rocket, polishing the silver, polishing the sword, polishing the wedding ring, pollute, get a date with Slick Mittens, furry finger fuck, furry fun, fuzzy fun, gagging the clam, gagging the lips of love, getting stripped of your grammy, getting the german soldier marching, getting the glue stick, getting to know yourself, getting to know yourself personally in the biblical sense, getting your caps peeled, getting your end away, getting your palm read, getting your palm read by Mister Softee, getting your pole varnished, gherkin-jerking, gilding the lily, getting a date with slick mittens, getting a grip on things, getting a hold of yourself, getting a little off-hand, getting a stain out of my carpet, getting chafed, getting gnarly with the knudster, getting in touch with your manhood, getting in touch with yourself, giving the general a five-finger salute, giving yourself the finger, giving Yul Brenner the high-five, glazing the knuckle, gluing the lady's eye shut, go a couple rounds with the champ(ion), go back to the wig-wam and beat the tom-tom, going eye to eye with Johnny Hung, going mining, going on a date with Handrea, going on a date with Palmela, going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters, going on Peewee's little adventure, going on the blow, going on the dole, going out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters, going a couple of rounds with Ol' Josh, grappling the gorilla, greasing the flagpole, greasing the pipe, greasing the skillet, greasing your bone, greasing your hips, great sin of youth, grip the gorilla, grip the tip, gripping Flipper, gripping the pencil, grinding the goo shooter, groping the grotto, growing hair on the palms, gushing the geyser, gusset typing, hack the hog, hack the mack, ham-boning, ham shank, Han Solo, hand solo, hand fuck, hand gallop, hand game, hand labor, hand to gland combat, hand work, handful of pleasure, a, handling the hard on, handy work, hanging five, hanging the old man, hard labor, harp playing, hands on training, have a date with a handkerchief, having a ball, having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake, having a date with Fisty Palmer, having a one-night-stand with yourself, having a roy, having a sherman, having a tug-of-war with the cyclops, having a whack attack, having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel, having a five-knuckle-shuffle, having a ham shank, having one off the wrist, having some clam dip, hee-haw with the wrinkled mee-maw, helping the python shed its skin, herkin' the gherkin, hiking the Grand Canyon, hit on Rosy Palm, hitchhiking south, hitchhiking underneath the big top, holding my own, holding on to a family heirloom, holding the sausage hostage, holding your sausage hostage, honking Bobo, hoodwink, hotdog-a-rama, housebreaking the cat, hula-hooping, humping air, humping the hose, hurting Burt until he squirts, ignite the lightsaber, in the hand cream, installing a burglar alarm, invading Poland, invoking Venus, Irish promotion, Irish wedding, ironing some wrinkles, itching the ditch, jack hammering, jacking, jacking off, jam the joystick, jerk the gherkin, jerk job, jerking the gherkin, jerking the merkin, jerking the noodle, jerking the turkey, jerking the wheel, jerking jamby, jiggling the dice, jiggling your cockanballs, jimmying the joey, jiring one's wad, jizzlobbing, J/O scene, Jocelyn Eldering, juggling the coullions, keep a date with bobby palm and his five brother, kicking seamen, killing 45 seconds, killing it, killing off, kneading the knockwurst, knuckle shuffle, knuckling the bone, lady fingers and cream, launching a class probe, launching the hand shuttle, launching the head of a world-cup golfer, launching the tadpoles, leaking the main drain, 3 point shot, 5-digit disco, a date with Manuela, a date with Senorita Mano, a little southern romance, a visit from Mother Fist, accordion solo, ambidexterity, answer the bone-a-phone, applying for a fishing liscence, applying lip gloss, applying the hand brake, arm aerobics, arm breaker, addressing Mr. Palmer, adjusting your set, assault on a friendly weapon, attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior, audition the finger puppets, auditioning the hand puppet, armswinging, art of unisex, bachelor's delight, backstroke roulette, balls deep into your fist, banging the drum, Barclay's bank, bashing the bishop, bashing the candle, bashing the dummy, basting the tuna, bat off, batting practice, battling the purple-helmeted warrior, beastliness, beating off, beating the bait, beating the bed flute, beating the bishop, beating the bologna, beating the boner, beating the bush, beating the meat, beating the old man, beating the piss outta my best friend, beating the pud, beating the snake, beating around the bush, beating your meat on the toilet seat, beef-stroke-it-off, biffing off, big date with Rosy Palms, big stroke time, bishoprage, bleed the goose, bloating the vein, blooming, blowing your own horn, bludgeon the beefsteak, blue-vein shuffle, bob the bologna, bobbing the boloney, bollock service, bologna bop, bombing the German helmet, bop the mop, bopping Richard, bopping the bishop, bopping the bologna, bopping the bonzo, boxing the bald champ, boxing the bald-headed clown, boxing the ballsack, boxing the Bozak, boxing the clown, boxing with Richard, bucking it, buff the beaver, buff the dog, buff the mushroom, buff the pylon, buff the weasle, buffing, buffing the banana, buffing the bishop, buffing the box, buffing the helmet, buffing the jewel, buffing the magic lamp, buffing the rifle, buffing the wood, buggering the hand, burp the baldman, burp the worm, burping the baby, burping the worm, bury the knuckle, bury the salami, bury the weenie, butter schlopping, butter the bead, butter the muffin, butter the potato, buttering the corn, buttering the muffin, butting the bead, brushing the beaver, calling all cum, calling down for more mayo, candlesticking, caning the vandal, capturing the bishop, caressing the kitty, carrying weight, catching a case of whackinitis, celebrating Palm Sunday, charm the cobra, charming the snake, cheat the meat, checking the status of the I/O port, chicken-grabbing, chipping wood, choke hold, choke the chook, choke the gopher, choking Charlie 'till he throws up, choking Kojak, choking the bald guy until he pukes, choking the chipmunk, choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come, circling the knoll, clam bake for one, clamming the engram, cleaning my fur coat, cleaning the fish, cleaning the rifle, cleaning the storm-drains, climbing Mount Baldy, climbing the tree, clit bliss, clit fix, clit twit, clobbering the kleenex, closet frisbee, closing the deal, clubbing eddy, clubbing the clam, coating prince william sound with love oil, cock the cannon, coming to grips with yourself, conking the cardinal, consult Dr. Jerkoff, converse with Harry Palm, cook cucumbers, cook the clam, cook your nookie, cooking the cream of cock, corralling the tadpoles, couch hockey for one, countering cunts, colonel sanders heimleich maneuver, cracking nuts, cracking the bat, cranking the corona, crime of self-pollution, crimping the wire, critter cramming, crossing the great divide, crossing the swamp, crown the king, cuddling the kielbasa, creaming the cheese, creaming the pie, creaming the twinkie, create an arch, culture the American Blood Sausage, cum the scum, Custer's last stand, dactylate, damming the beaver, dance with Johnnie One-eye, date Miss Michigan, dating Manuella, dating the Palm sisters, dating Thumbalina and her four sisters, decongesting the weasel, defrosting the fridge, dialing the pink phone, dialing the rotary phone, dickless dildo dance, diddling Miss Daisy, diddling the dinky, digging for change, digging for clams, digging for your keys, digit disco, digital manipulation of the coital apparatus, digital special effects, digitally oscillating the penis, digitizing, dildo doodling, dinging the dong, dinky the slinky, disciplining the primate, disseminating, do a one-finger exercise, do the Han Solo, docking in shuttle bay 5, doddle whacking, doing battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love, doing handiwork, doing hard time in the hand slammer, doing it your way, doing laps, doing one's nails, doing something for my chapped lips, doing the hand jive, doing the pork sword jiggle, doing the solitary rhumba, doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba, doing the white knuckler, doing the janitor thing, dong flogging, dousing the digits, downing at the club (for members only), draining the monster, draining the poisons from the building, drilling for oil in your own backyard, driving the skin bus, drooling, dropping a line, dropping stomach pancakes, drown the man in the boat, dry humping the ottoman, dundering the devil, enjoying a little southern comfort, enjoying yourself, entering no man's land, entering the ring of fire, erase the problem, erasing the problem, erupting the volcano, erupting Vesuvius, escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell, evicting the testicular squatters, excercise your rights, experiencing men-o-paws, exploring Carlsbad Caverns, exploring the deep South, express a secret vice, dusting the endtable, dusting the old trophy, encapsulate your probe, engaging in internal revenue service, faxing Jimmy Dean, faxing the pope, fanning the fur, fanning the furnace, fanny fumbling, educating Peter, electing the president, feed the spunk-o-meter, feeding the chooks, feeding your trouser-mouse, feel in one's pocket for one's big hairy rocket, fiddle the bean, fiddle with oneself, fidget the midget, file the fun-rod, filling up the belly button well, fingerbating, finger blasting, finger dancing, female finger fun, finger flick, finger fun, finger painting, fingering the fountain, fingering the skin harp, fire the wobbly warhead, firing off a round, firing the flesh musket, firing the surgeon general, firm the worm, fishing for trouser trout, fishing for zipper trout, fist flick, fist kebabing 101, fist of fury, five against Willy, five finger boogie on the blue vein, five finger discount, five finger exercise(s), five finger knuckle shuffle, five finger lingo, five-finger solo, five fingers against one penis, five knuckle olympics, five-knuckle-shuffle (on the old piss pump), five on one, flapping takkie, flaying the emperor, flick the BIC, flipping the bishop, flipping through the pages, flog the infidel, flogging the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the mule, flogging the poodle, flogging the salami, flogging your dumber brother, flogging your pride, flog it, flute solo, fly automatic, fly fishing, flying on automatic, flying solo, fondling the fig, four-lip whistling, freeing Willy, fret the fiddle-strings, flossing the cat, flub the dub, frigging the love muscle, frosting the pastries, fuck palmala, fucking without complications, gallop the goose, gallop the maggot, gallop the old lizard, galloping the lizard, genital pollution, genital sensate focussing, genital stimulation via phalangetic motion, genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion, polish the bayonet, polish the chrome dome, polish the horn, popping the purple pimple, popping the zit, Portuguese pump, poking the pie, poking the pucker, pounding off, pounding the bald-headed moose, pounding the flounder, pounding the pud, pounding the pudding, pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin, practising, praising the orchid, preheating the oven, preparing the carrot, pressing the pleats, prime the pump, prime the womb cannon, priming the pump, prodding the half-cooked pastrami, producing whore moans, prompt the porpoise, prostate maintenance, pub the dub, pud-pulling, pud wrestling, pudwhacking, pull the duck's neck, pull the pope, pull the pin, pulling off, pulling on Peter, pulling the bologna pony, pulling the carrot, pulling the colonel sanders heimleich manuever, pulling the cord, pulling the five-knuckle shuffle, pulling the goalie, pulling the handbrake, pulling the mule, pulling the pole, pulling the pope, pulling the pud, pulling the putz, pulling the taffy, pulling the weed, pulling the wire, pulling your goalie, pulling your own leg, pulling your prick, pummel the love truncheon, pummeling the priest, pump the monkey, pump the python, pumping cream, pumping for pleasure, pumping for power, pumping the kooter, pumping the electric goo gun, pumping the gas at the self-service island, pumping the stump, punching the clown, punchin' the munchkin, punching the puppet, punish Percy in the palm, punish the Harlequin, punish the penguin, punishing the pope, pushing the button, pushing the daisy and make it cum, pussy poking, pussy soccer, qualifying in the testicular time trial, R2 your D2, raising the mainsail, raking the leaves, rapid one arm pull-ups, ravage the innocent, ride sidesaddle, ride the curl, ride the great white knuckler, ride the tubespout, ride the tubsput, riding the clitoris-saurus, riding the great white knuckler, riding the unicycle, riding the waterslide, riding the wild hand, ring for the maid, ringing for the elevator, ringing southern bells, roasting chestnuts, rocking the little man in the boat, rod-walloping, reading in Braille, reading poetry, relaxation rubdown, relief massage, relieving tension, returning to sender, romancing the rose, romancing thy own, Romeo and himself, roping the long horn, roping the pony, roping the pope, roughing up the suspect, row the little man in the boat, rub your cooze 'til you ooze, rubbin nubbin, rubbing one out, rubbing the donut, rubbing the love nubbin, rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel, rubbing the nub, rubbing the nubbin, rubbing the pink eraser, rubbing the red pussycat, rubbing the rod, run one's hand up the flagpole, running off a batch by hand, running Peter through two-a-days, running the cheeta, running the 100-yard dash, running the whack-a-thon, sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights, rolling the fleshy blunt, rolling the dough, rolling the mink, rolling your own, Roman helmet rumba, romancing Lady Five Fingers, sailors' joy, informal values, schnauzer shuffleboard, schplitzing the schmeckel, scoring the hoop, scouring the tower of power, scraping the horn, scratch the crack, scratch the patch, scratch the snatch, scratching the itch, scratching the snatch patch, scrub the cake pan, scuff the muff, scuffing the muff, se branler, se crosser, se faire les cinq doigts de la main, se passer un poignet, search for Spock, secret handshake, secret indulgence, secret selfish sin, see if the baby's home, see Madam(e) Thumb and her four daughters, self-induced penile regurgitation, self-inflicted intercourse, self-manipulation, sanding the banister, sanding wood, serta solo, setting off a depth charge, setting the oysters, shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln, shaking hands with Jack Mcnasty, shaking hands with Little Elvis, shaking hands with Mr. Happy, shaking hands with Mr. President, shaking hands with Shorty, shaking hands with the General, shaking hands with the guy that stood up when I got married, shaking hands with the midget, shaking hands with the unemployed, shaking hands with the wife's best friend, shaking hands with your John Thomas, shaking hands with Yul Brenner, shaking the bottle, shaking the dice, shaking the hand of the self-employed, shaking the hand of the unemployed, shaking the sauce, shaking the sausage, shaking the snake, shaking your fist at the sky, shaking your hand at the sky, shaking your (own) maracas, shanking, self-relief, self-service, shake it up, shellacking the shellaleigh, shelling the bean, shemping the hog, shifting gears, shifting into first gear, shine the pole, shining the helmet, shining the pole, shining the pork sword, shooting flies, shooting for the moon, shooting hoops, shooting (off) the muck, shooting putty at the moon, shooting tadpoles at the moon, shuck the corn, shuffle the deck, shuffling the Kit-Kat, slamming the ham, slamming the hammer, slamming the salami, slamming the salmon, slamming the spam, slap the hammer, slap the little head, slap the wapper, slapping high fives with Yul Brynner, slapping it, slapping pappy, slapping the big-nosed rasta man, slapping the Cap'n, slapping the carrot, slapping the clown, slapping the donkey, slapping the fleshgopher, slapping the mackerel, slapping the pud, slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol, slapping the salami, shooting the rapids, single dingles, skimming the cream, slaking the bacon, slaying the one-eyed monster, snap the rubber, snapping one off, snapping the carrot, snapping the monkey, snapping the rubber, snapping the twig, snapping the whip, snatching, snuggle the nozzle, soaking in Palmolive, soaking the whisker biscuit, soldier's joy, solitary evil, solitary sex, sling one's jelly, sling one's juice, slinging the jelly, slipping yourself a mickey, slog the log, slopping the hogs, sloppy sign language, smacking-off, smacking the clam, smacking the oompa loompa, smacking the salami, smacking the sausage, smacking the weasel, smacking your sister, smoking hooch with reagan, solo sex, southern comfort, southern massage, southern pleasures, southern romance, southern seduction, spank the bishop, spank the carrot, spank the hangdown, spank the little boy, spank the wank, spank the wife's best friend, spanking cheetah, spanking Elvis, spanking the bishop, spanking the frank, spanking the salami, spear chucking, spelunking, spit-polishing the purple helmet, spraying the spectators, spreading the petals, spunk the monk, spunking, squeezing the creamy filter, squeezing the juice, squeezing the lemon, squeezing the squid, squeezing the weasel, squirt-n-spurt, stir the yogurt, stirring it up, stirring the batter, stirring the yogurt, stoking the furnace, straddle the paddle, strain the main vein, straining the spaghetti, strangle Kojak, strangle the dangle, strangle the stogie, strangle Yoda, strangling the serpent, stretching the muscle, strike the pink match, stacking the deck, staff meeting, stiffening the upper lip, stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret, stroke the Wookie, stroke your ego, strokem your scrotum, stroking it, stroking off, stroking the dog, stroking the lizard, stroking the loaf, stroking the mole, stroking the one-eyed burping gecko, stroking the poker, stroking the satin-headed serpent, stroking the schlong, stroking the scoobie, stroking the snail, stroking the squirmin' german, stroking the twinkie, stroking the wiener, stropping the beak, stropping the mulligan, summon the genie, summoning the semen demon, surf the wet, surfing at finger beach, surfing on the Milky Highway, surfing the channel, sushi party, swat the twat, strumming the Big Open, stuff the taco, stump-jump, strum the ol' banjo, strumming, sweet slide, the, taffy-pulling contest, take a load off your mind, take a ride on the mean spanking machine, take Captain Picard to warp speed, taking a dip, taking a nap, taking a shake break, taking a trip south, taking some time off, taking the Jocelyn Elders midterm, taking the monster for a one-armed ride, taking the old skin boat to tuna town, talking quietly to yourself, taking Herman to the circus, taking matters into one's own hands, taking old one-eye to the optometrist, taking ol' one eye through the fly, taming goliath, taming the animal, taming the shrew, tango con mano, taunting the one-eyed weasel, teach our children to fly, teach your dog to spit, teasing the kitty, teasing the taco, teasing the tuna, teasing the weasel, teasing the weenie, tenderizing the meat, tenderizing the tube steak, test the flashlight, testicular tensile strength test, testing the batteries, testing the plumbing, testing the testicles, that crazy hand jive, take ol' stiff neck to the movies, thrapping, tickle the ditty, tickle the mustache, tickle the pickle, tickle the taco, tickle torture, thump the pump, thump the pumper, toot the flute, tooting the horn, torking the fork, torking the power rod, torment the trouser trout, torquing the taliwacker, torquing the wrench, torturing the tentacle, toss the boss, tossing off, tossing pink salad, tossing the caber, tossing the ham javelin, tossing the pink salad, tossing the salad, tossing the snag, tossing the turkey, tossing yogurt, touch typing, tickling the little man in the boat, tickling the one-eyed weasel, tickling the pickle, tiptoe through the twolips, toggling the bit, touching up, train the love porpoise, traveling past the mason-dixon line, treating yourself right, trouser olympics, trouser snake CPR, trying to make One-Eyed Willy puke, TT, tugging the slug, tugging the tapioca tube, tuning the fork, tuning the horn, trolling for flames, trolling the bermuda triangle, turning japanese, turning on, tuning in and dropping out, twirl the squirrel, twist the turnip, twisting the crank, twisting the piston, twisting the tool, twit the clit, two finger taco tango, two fingered tango, Uncle Frank, tweak the twig, tweak the twinkie, tweaking the little man in the boat, tweaking the twinkie, twatty wank, unclogging the drain, unclogging the sink, unleash the fury, unloading passengers from the five-car train, unloading the gun, using the force on Darth Vader, unsheathing the pork sword, uprooting the big mushroom, varnishing the flagpole, vice of self-defilement, violating the hedge-hog, visit Rosy Palm and her five daughters, visiting Merry Palmer, visiting Niagra Falls, visiting the notary public, visiting the safety deposit box, visit Father Fingers, visit Mary Thumb and her four daughters, walk the dog, walk through the valley of love, walking old one-eye, walking the dog, walking the plank, walking the snake, walking Willie the one eyed wonder worm, wacking off, wacking the one-eyed worm, wacking the weasel, wacking the willie, wacking Wee Willie Wonka, wake the butterfly, waltz with Willy, wanking one-eyed Willy, wanking the one-eyed wonder worm, wanking the scube, wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel, wapping your weenie, warming up the altar boys' dinner, wash the cosh, wash your fingers, washing the fingers, washing the goose's neck, washing the hog, washing the lighthouse, washing the meat, wank the crank, wanker the anchor, watching the butterfly smile, wave the wand, wax the Buick, wax the carrot, wax the dolphin, wax the womb-broom, waxing the car, waxing the carrot, waxing the surfboard, waxing the t-bird, wearing a fat guys slacks, whack little Mac, whacking off, whacking the weasel, whacking Wee Willie Winkie, whacking willy, whank off, whipping the bishop, whipping the cat, whipping the dripper, whipping the dummy, whipping the nest, whipping the one-eyed trouser snake, whipping the stiff, whipping the weasel, whipping the wire, whipping up some sour cream, whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm, whipping your Willy, white water wristing, whittle the wood, whittling Dixie, whittling the stick, whiz the jizzum, whizzing jism, whizzing the jism, whip the cat, whip the devil, whip the dummy, whip the wire, whip the dripper, whip the weenie, whip the worm, whipping dripping, wiggling the worm, wild ride, the, Willie and the hand jive, winding the jack in the box, winding the Wurlitzer, windsurf on Mount Baldy, womanipulation, wonk the conker, wonk your conker, wonking the conker, wonking the donk, workin' the jerkin, working in the garden, working off, working off a batch, working out a stiff joint, working your willy, worshiping the finger prince, worshiping the finger princess, worshiping the fist prince, worshiping the white god of seed, whiffing an easy fairway shot, wrestle the bald-headed champion, wrestle the cyclops, wrestling the bald(-headed) champion, wrestling the cyclops, wrestling the eel, wrestling the one-eyed monster, wrestling the purple headed warrior, wringing (it), wringing out the rope, wringing the cheesy bell, wrist aerobics, wrist job, wristing, yank the crank, yank the doodle, yank the dork, yank the plank, yank the shlong, yank the strap, yank the wang, yank the yak, yank the yam, yank the Yoda, wrestling with the blue-veined custard chucker, wriggle, Yankee your Wankee, yanking, yanking the crank, yanking the plank, yanking the yoyo, yawning, yucking your choad, theater in the round, pull someone off, coitus inter digitae, onanistic, manual exercise(s), manual gratification, manual release, manual sex, manual titillation, manual persuasion, manual pollution, manual orgasm, masturbate, playing chopsticks, jack-off session, going blind, go it alone, be your own best friend, abuse oneself, double jacking, dealing, self-pollution, sew, self-abuse, sex with someone you love, secret sin, secret vice, taking part in population control, swordfighting, strumming the banjo, Swedish culture, solitary sin, solitary vice, solo flight, solo marathon, spackling the ceiling, spam wham, solo spit, smash the stake, slick abuse, slide the shaft, slimmer, slam the clam, slam the ham, slam the spam, skin the bone, skin the lizard, sing with Rosie, sing an aria, stroking and poking, stroke the slit, stroke the string, stroke the stallion, stir the cauldron, stir the stew, stroke off, stroke oneself, stroke the beef, stroke the bloke, stroke the dog, stroke the lizard, stroke the poker, strain the vein, squirt one off, squirt seed, squirting the seed, squeeze it off, squeeze off, squeeze the peach, squeezing the cheese, spit the seeds, split the slit, spit one off, sweep off, suffocate the organ, syntribadism, taking care of business, take a beating, take a finger ride, take in hand, tap-dance, tap dancing, tame the bald-headed mouse, tame the beef weasel, tame the monster, thrap(e), teach Yule Brenner some respect, team cream, tease the python, tickle the crack, tickling her fancy, throttle kojak, throttle the turkey, throw the ball around, throwing (one), thumb the button, take oneself in hand, tee off, tug muscle, triborgasmia, tip the middle finger, touch up, toss him off, salute the sailor, ruff the muff, run a batch, run off by hand, rub it off, rub off, rub off by hand, rub one out, rub the knob, rub the (little) head, rub the magic lamp, rub the radish, rub the tub, rowing the boat, rheomism, rheononia, shake the snake, shake the weasel, Sherman tank, shift gears, shelling the oyster, shake hands with the governor, shoot skeet, shoot the cat, selbst befriedigung, self-gratification, self-pleasure, self-pleasuring, satisfy oneself, she-bop, ram the ham, rake your meat, pump one's pickle, pump oneself off, raise the flag, raising Lazarus from the dead, punt the cunt, puppetophilia, pulling rank, pull wire, pull your prick, pulling a solo session, pull the pole, pull the root, pull the taffy, pull the pork, pull the pud, pull the joint, pull the peter, pull putz, puff the one-eyed dragon, pound the pud, pudding head, pull one off, pull one's dong, pull one's joint, pull it (off), pull one's wang, prune the fifth limb, prick rag, pound the peenie, pound it, pound off, pound the bobo, pound the flounder, pound the meat, yanking off, yank your strap, yank your wank, yank yourself (off), yang the wang, yank (it), yank off, wrist-off, whip it, whanking date, wrench off, work it off, work off, work oneself off, wonk off, whipping off, wienering, watch the eyelid movies, whacking it, whank, whack off, whack the bishop, whack the pud, whack the yak, whack your Magic Johnson, wet the whistle, whack, whack it, wax the saddle, wax the candle-stick, waving the magic wand, wax the beam, wax the bean, wax the board, water the hot spot, waste a short time, waste time, wankrod, wank mag, wang off, wackomatic, visit Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters, wack the weasel, wack your squack, virgin's release, twiddle with oneself, tweak the twiddle, unclog the pipes, twang the wire, turn the knob, dating my palm, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, deep dishing, date mother palm and her five daughters, date Palmala Handerson, dancing with the captain, dash one's doodle, dame de voyage, digitate, digitating, digitize, diddling, dicky-whacking, disobey the Pope, do a dry waltz with oneself, do the wet-n-stinky, do yourself off, do handiwork, do it with oneself, do-it-yourself, do oneself, dip the digit(s), discipline your soldier, dildoism, dilly with the willy, douse the digits, dunk the doughnut, dunking the beaver, dry-firing the musket, draw on a length, drilling for oil, drain Charle's Dickens, doodle the noodle, doing your own thing, dollop the weener, do the dew, doing a little soft-shoe, feed the bearded clam, feed the beaver, feed the cat, feed the clam, feed the ducks, engaging in safe sex, Dutch sea wife, express yourself (manually), fan the fur, gentle the genitalia, full-service, fuck the fist, fuck your fist, fuck Mary Fist, flip the flaps, fuck one's fist, friggit, friggle, fluff the muff, frig off, frig oneself, flog (oneself), flog the dummy, flog the goose, flog the hog, flong the dong, flopping beef, flog the lizard, flog the log, flog the meat, flog the mutton, flog the old whipping-boy, flog the pork, flog the pup, flog the sausage, flog the whipping-boy, flogging the dog, flogging the dolphin, flogging the dong, flit the clit, flog, flog a dead horse, flog a willing horse, flog the dog, flog the dolphin, flog the dong, flicking the switch, flex one's sex, flick on over the thumb, flick the bean, fist it off, fist the mister, fisting the mister, fist-fuck, fire the hand cannon, feed the fist, fingering the clit, fidget with the digit, fifi bag, fight the champ, fight the turkey, feel the fur, feeding the other mouth, feeding the slot, feed the stick, feeding the bearded clam, empty the cannon, activating cruise control, accosting the Oscar Meyer, armswing, auto-genital stimulation, airing the orchid, allantotrioism, amatripsis, beat, beat meat, beat one's little brother, beat Pete, beat the bald-headed bandit, beat the beaver, beat the bishop, beat the dork, beat the pud, beat the pup, beat the tom-tom, beat your meat like it owes you money, beating about the bush, basting the meat, bang the banjo, bang the bishop, bang the wanger, ball off, balling off, brandle, break one off, bequeath your genes, boffing, bop the baloney, bring oneself off, bring someone off, bring up by hand, bringing oneself off, blooch, blanket drill, articulate the archdeacon, beating it with a smile on your face, beat the goose, beat the hog, beating the stick, coming one's mutton, cracking off, color in the coloring book, combing the brush, come into your own, come the turkey, comforting Gary Coleman, cream your corn, creamed beef, crank the cream, crank the cream separator, crank the love pump, crank the monkey, crank the shaft, crank the shank, cranking for cum, cunt-cuddling, cuff the carrot, cuff the dummy, cuff the meat, cuff the puppy, court Madam Knuckle, crab tease, crack off a batch, cock your shotgun, clitorize, churning the cream, clearing the snorkel, cleaning your fingers, clamping the pipe, clap the clit, chong your schlong, choke the bad guy, choke the chicken, chicken-milking, cheesing off, check the oil, checking for impotence, checking for testicular cancer, checking the foxhole, checking the oil, charm the serpent, catch up with Popeye, charge the rod, buzzing, cabareting, caress oneself, buck the bone, buying an E-Ticket, go on a hand diet, go to war with yourself, going cabareting, grab the flab, grab the goatee, grease the dildo, grease the gash, grease the goofy, going on a finger ride, give it a one-gun salute, give oneself a handjob, give oneself a low five, give oneself the finger, giving it a tug, get one's nuts off, get some self, get some trim, get to know yourself, get a fat lip, get a lube job, get a stinky pinky, get gravel for the goose, having dinner, having a tug, have a wank, have one off the wrist, haul your own ashes, hand book, hand-staff, hand lotion, hack off, hair-job, grip it, gristle rub, grind off, hot rod it, jack-and-jill-off party, jack hammer, jeff off, jack the corn, jack the joystick, jack the sack, jack your jizz, jack yourself, in hand, husk it, hump the bump, hump the horn, hump the hose, hug the hog, hold the bold, hose the hole, hone the bone, hit the ham, hit the slit, leave it to beaver, leglock the pillow, knock on wood, knock the top off, knitting, knead your dough, jilling off, kick the gong around, juice it up, juice the fruit, jump start the river, just jerkin' it, jog off, jollification, joyce off, jiggle the jewelry, jerk Jamby, jerk jelly, jerk your jewels, jag off, jerk the johnson, jerk the joint, jerk the mutton, jerk the rope, jerk the Turk, jerk the turkey, play pocket billiards, play with Willy Wanker, play with your Willy Wanker, please the pisser, popping a nut, popping the cork, poke the pussy, playing solitaire, palm it, pat me muller, pat the Robertson, play solitaire, play the bones, play the clitar, play the fiddle, play the male organ, play the piss pipe, play the silent trumbone, perm the poodle, pet the petunia, pet the poodle, pet the pussy (cat), masterbation, mentulalgia, milking one's self, oscillating the Oscar Meyer, pack the palm, mix up a batch, night-club, non-orthogenic sex, mustard on the burger, make love to ones fist, make love to oneself, manuxorate, make waves (for the boy-in-the-boat), make a bald man cry, make a milkshake, make bumps, make butter, Levy and Frank, looking askance, lube the cord, light touch body rub, masturbatory orgy, group masturbation, habit that dare not speak its name, hand jig, hand jive, hand job, hand relief, hand shandy, having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters, having it off, get oneself off, gallop the antelope, jerkin's hand lotion, jill off, J.O., keep down the census, keep the census down, knob polishing, knob shining, knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump, let your fingers do the walking, hitchhiking to heaven, having sex with someone you love, having a J. Arthur, hold a bowling ball, infanticide, J. Arthur, ipsation, ipsism, jacking the beanstalk, paddle the pickle, one hand clapping, one handed clapping, peddle and crank, paw-paw tricks, pearl diving, look in the mirror, looking for Waldo & his dog, local, making a banana spit, making a banana split, manual preference, making the bald man cry, making the bald man puke, Miss Fist, messing with Moby, changing your oil, chiromania, clap with one hand, crime of Onan, bell polishing, bisecting the triangle, box the Jesuit (and get cockroaches), body rub, bananas and cream, bash the bishop, bank with Barclays, auto-hedonia, bachelor's fare, autoeroticism, autoerotism, autohedonia, abuse, finger job, fetch metal, fetch mettle, five against one, fist fucking the piss pump, five knuckle shuffle, five knuckle chuckle, fornicatory doll, doing the human version of autoexec.bat, doing the knuckle chuckle on the ol' piss pump, doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump, do the bowling hold, diurnal pollution, D.I.Y., doing a hand job, doing the five knuckle chuckle, doing the five knuckle shuffle, devil's handshake, unisex, twenty-twenty, varnish one's cane, wank, wallop the sausage, wallop the weiner, wasting babies, world wide wank, wrestling with the bald(-headed) champ, simple infanticide, sin of impurity, shooting the cat, shagging, self-stimulation, rub-a-dub, romancing the bone, safest sex, toss it off, touching oneself, tonking, tug-o-war with the cyclops, sex for one, taffy tugger, spreading the mayo, spanking the monkey, squeezing the cream from the twinkie, short strokes, slaughter of the innocent, Swedish, pole vaulting, M and M, jack off party, onanism, old lady five fingers, Mrs. Hand and the five fingers, Mrs. Palm and her five daughters, Mother Fist and her five daughters, frig, frigging, circle jerk, read Braille, sewing circle, shake up, shake hands with the wife's best friend, Sherman, screw off, relieve oneself, reading with one hand, rub, rub up, rank, pump ship, rodding, rodgering, rogering, push in the bush is worth two in the hand, a, pump off, pound the pork, pound the mound, posh wank, polish the knob, prime it, practicing one's mantra, pull oneself off, pull off, pull one's pud, play with oneself, pull, pull some lumber, pull the pudding, pull the wire, take down (by hand), take matters into your own hands, tickle your fancy, technical virgin, tour de france, toss off, skeet shooting, snap, wring the rattlesnake, whip off, WPW, wank off, wank on it, wank-pit, wanks per week, wanking (off), whacker, whank-pit, whanking off, waking the dead, vibrating masturbator, wacker, wack, wack off, varnish the cane, varnish the pole, varnish the stick, unnatural vice, tromboning, circle fuck, clean the pipe(s), clear the custard, coital climax, crank, coming into your own, churn, churning butter, churning the butter, cast-off, catch a buzz, buzz, button hole, buttonhole, bust a nut, Accu-Jac, automonosexualism, autophilia, arthur, autoerotic death, bait the hook, beat the dummy, beat off, beat it, boffer, botulinonia, bouginonia, bookends, bop, bring down (by hand), bring off by hand, belly-to-belly, big hug, bleed the lizard, bleed the weed, blinds, belly-fuck, beat the meat, fuck-fist, flog the donkey, flog the bishop, fly manually, flying manual, flip it around, flip it off, flip off, flip oneself off, fist fucking, finger fuck, fingerdoodling, finger pie, fare un ditolino, digging a trench, digging into the trenches, digging the trench, dancing with myself, demi-vierge, docking, dishonorable discharge, drain the dragon, drain the vein, dunk the dolphin, dual masturbation, Dutch widow, feed the fish, mount a corporal and four, lope the mule, male infibulation, maritate, massage parlor, penis infibulation, play billiards, pit job, pinch the cat, playing pocket pool, pocket billiards, pocket pinball, pocket polka, pocket pool, pocket waltz, play pocket pool, playing with oneself, jack the beanstalk, jack off, hump your fist, hot rod, higher Malthusianism, hog-flogger, hitchhike under the big top, lark, knob, Jodrell Bank, jerking off, jerk yourself a soda, jerk up, get it off, get one's ashes hauled, get one's balls off, gong, getting ones nuts off, handshaker, handle, handmade, hair in hand, hand ball, hand-made, hand-raised, hand-reared, hand gig, masturbation, milk, mutual masturbation, off, Mary Palm, play the skin flute, phone sex, jerk off, Lady Five Fingers, jerk, infibulation, ease oneself, English method, diddle, five-finger Mary, five-fingered Annie, fuck off, belly rub, blow off, bob, cultures, veuve poignet, urolagnia, waz, wazz, stroke, tickle, strum, rub-belly, shake,
Quotes Containing masturbation:
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''
'Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978) He's referring to watersports (rowing) not group-masturbation .
''Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.'' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978). He''s talking about water-sports not group-masturbation .''
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Dictionary of Sexual Terms - 24150 terms and expressions, 3500 quotes, 47000 synonyms
Dictionary of the F-Word - 865 terms and expressions 200 quotes, 2200 synonyms
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