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The Language of Love, Lust, Sex
and All the Many-Splendored Things in Between in Teenspeak - Jockspeak - Menglish - Slanglish - Spanglish
Gaylese - Americanese - Britspeak - Ozslang - Funetic
Populo-Vulgar Speech - T-Shirt & Net Shorthand
Pompo-Verbosity & other Figurative Lingos
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masturbation:
Manual stimulation of one's-own or someone else's genitals , usually until orgasm . Until recently, masturbation was regarded as a vice, a sin , and a form of defilement and one of the superstitions put about to discourage it was that overindulgence caused feeblemindedness. In his Onanism: or Treatise upon the Disorders Produced by Masturbation (1766), A. Hume warns the reader that the perverse and degenerate practice of onania can cause insanity, deafness, blindness, hairy palms, and withering away of the penis . Reverend Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) preached that ejaculation deprived a man of the ' vital fluids ' essential to maintain ' vital energies ' (health and vitality), each time a man ejaculates he risks his physical health. Graham preached against the dangers of ' wasting the seed ' by masturbation or even by frequent marital intercourse . ETYMOLOGY: From the Latin masturbari , to disturb with the hand, possibly derived from masdo , virile-member . The word masturbation is believed to have been used in English for the first time in A. Hume's Treatise (1766), but in Gulliver's Travels (1728), Swift makes the following puns: ' My master , Mr. Bates ' and ' poor Master Bates '.
See masturbation , masturbation-male and masturbation-female [SYN] for synonyms.
QUOTES:
(1) Tom Waits: ' I'm not weird or anything. I don't tie myself up first .'
(2) Truman Capote: ' The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up-for-it '
(3) James Joyce: ' Masturbation! The amazing availability of it! '
(4) Harold Palms: ' When beating-off is outlawed, only outlaws will beat-off .'
(5) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(6) Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ' There's one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don't have to look your best .'
(7) Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ' Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love .' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ' I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic .'
(8) Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ' Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had plenty of sex . It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner .'
(9) Countess Alexandrovna (Olga Georges-Picot) and Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975):
-- Alex: ' You are the greatest lover I ever had .'
-- Boris : ' Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone .'
(10) Juliet Forrest (Rachel Ward) to Rigby Reardon (Steve Martin) in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982): ' If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles .'
(11) Duffy (Gene Wilder) and Dr. Benjamin (David Margulies) in Funny About Love (1990):
-- Duffy: ' You want me to put some sperm into this little cup? '
-- Doctor: ' That's right, Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Wait a minute! You know , you make this sound easy, but I've never done this before .'
-- Doctor: ' Come, come , Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Twice!? You want me to do-it twice. We'll be here all day .'
(12) Ford (Andrew Dice Clay) speaking of Zuzu Petals in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990): ' Talking to Zuzu was like masturbating with a cheese grater; slightly amusing but mostly painful .'
(13) Wayne Campbell (Mike Meyers) speaking of model Claudia Schiffer in Wayne's World (1992): ' She's a babe! (...) She tested very high on the Stroke-Ability-Scale .'
(14) Mickey Gordon (Billy Crystal) to the nurse at the fertility clinic in Forget Paris (1995):
-- Nurse: ' We have X-rated tapes in case you need some help .'
-- Mickey : ' Help!? Hahahaha! Help? I lettered in this in high school. I used to carry a picture of my right hand in my wallet .'
(15) Agent 3.14 (Nicolette Sheridan) to WD40 / Dick Steel (Leslie Nielsen) in Spy Hard (1998): ' Do you always take matters into your own hands? '
(16) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(17) Graffito: ' Man who go-to-bed-with problem in-hand wake up in the morning with solution at his finger tips .'
(18) From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ' Minorbation is good during depression .' b) ' One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand .'
(19) From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ' I come here to get ahold of myself .' Mens' room graffito. b) ' More than three shakes is masturbation .' Mens' room graffito. c) ' Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today .'
(20) Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ' Playing with oneself (18-20 th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20 th C .) in less than four minutes .'
(21) Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ' Masturbation is the thief of love .'
See Also: manual job, manual pollution, menage a un, monkey-slapping, monkey-spanking, muff ruffing, lip smacking, killing 45 seconds, lady fingers and cream, knuckle shuffle, little southern romance, lonely art, loob the goob, loving thy self, great sin of youth, gusset typing, ham-boning, hand solo, handling the hard on, hoodwink, jack hammering, Irish promotion, Irish wedding, My sex life!, one-eye target practice, onanera, pause that refreshes, the, pearl fishing, petting the pussy, petal pushing, playing piano, practising, pud wrestling, pud-pulling, pussy poking, riding the clitoris-saurus, rod-walloping, a date with Manuela, a date with Senorita Mano, a little southern romance, a visit from Mother Fist, abuse oneself, balls deep into your fist, celebrating Palm Sunday, clit twit, clit bliss, cranking the corona, dactylate, dating the Palm sisters, dating Thumbalina and her four sisters, dating Manuella, digit disco, digitizing, do a one-finger exercise, dong flogging, drown the man in the boat, enjoying yourself, express a secret vice, fanny fumbling, female finger fun, fiddle with oneself, fingering the fountain, fingering the skin harp, finger fun, finger dancing, firing off a round, fist flick, five finger exercise(s), flog it, flying solo, flogging your dumber brother, fuzzy fun, genital pollution, getting to know yourself, rubbing the nub, rubbing the love nubbin, rubbing the nubbin, sailors' joy, secret selfish sin, secret vice, self-relief, self-manipulation, skimming the cream, slaking the bacon, smacking the clam, snatching, solitary vice, solitary sin, solitary sex, southern romance, southern comfort, southern seduction, southern pleasures, solo sex, squirt-n-spurt, stretching the muscle, stump-jump, strumming the banjo, sweet slide, the, taming goliath, tossing off, touching up, touch typing, treating yourself right, twatty wank, tweaking the little man in the boat, vice of self-defilement, visit Rosy Palm and her five daughters, visit Mary Thumb and her four daughters, watching the butterfly smile, Willie and the hand jive, worshiping the finger prince, worshiping the fist prince, worshiping the finger princess, wringing (it), yanking, yawning, yucking your choad, yank the doodle, yank the yak, yanking the crank, yank the wang, yank the shlong, Yankee your Wankee, yanking the yoyo, yank the strap, yank the plank, yank the yam, yanking the plank, wrist aerobics, yank the crank, yank the Yoda, yank the dork, wringing out the rope, wristing, wrestle the cyclops, wrestling the eel, wrestling with the blue-veined custard chucker, wrestling the purple headed warrior, wrestling with the bald(-headed) champ, wrist job, wringing the cheesy bell, wrestling the bald(-headed) champion, wrestle the bald-headed champion, wrestling the one-eyed monster, wriggle, wrestling the cyclops, working off a batch, worshiping the white god of seed, winding the jack in the box, winding the Wurlitzer, windsurf on Mount Baldy, womanipulation, wonk the conker, wonk your conker, wonking the donk, wonking the conker, workin' the jerkin, working off, working in the garden, working your willy, working out a stiff joint, whipping the nest, whipping your Willy, whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm, whipping the wire, whipping the dripper, whipping the weasel, whipping the stiff, whizzing jism, white water wristing, whittling the stick, whittle the wood, whizzing the jism, whittling Dixie, whiz the jizzum, wax the carrot, wearing a fat guys slacks, whank off, wiggling the worm, wild ride, the, wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel, wanking the one-eyed wonder worm, wanking one-eyed Willy, wanking the scube, wapping your weenie, wank the crank, warming up the altar boys' dinner, wash the cosh, washing the hog, washing the goose's neck, wash your fingers, washing the lighthouse, washing the meat, washing the fingers, walking the dog, walking the plank, walk the dog, walk through the valley of love, walking old one-eye, waltz with Willy, walking the snake, walking Willie the one eyed wonder worm, visiting Merry Palmer, visiting the notary public, visit Father Fingers, visiting Niagra Falls, wake the butterfly, wanker the anchor, wave the wand, waxing the surfboard, wax the womb-broom, wax the Buick, waxing the t-bird, wax the dolphin, waxing the car, waxing the carrot, whack little Mac, whacking willy, whacking the weasel, whacking off, whacking Wee Willie Winkie, whip the cat, whiffing an easy fairway shot, whip the dripper, whip the worm, whip the wire, whip the devil, whipping the dummy, whip the weenie, whip the dummy, whipping dripping, whipping the one-eyed trouser snake, whipping up some sour cream, whipping the cat, whipping the bishop, wacking off, wacking the willie, wacking the one-eyed worm, wacking Wee Willie Wonka, wacking the weasel, visiting the safety deposit box, violating the hedge-hog, tweak the twinkie, tweak the twig, twisting the piston, twirl the squirrel, twisting the tool, twist the turnip, twisting the crank, twit the clit, two fingered tango, two finger taco tango, unclogging the drain, unclogging the sink, Uncle Frank, unloading the gun, unloading passengers from the five-car train, unleash the fury, unsheathing the pork sword, uprooting the big mushroom, using the force on Darth Vader, varnishing the flagpole, tweaking the twinkie, turning japanese, turning on, tuning in and dropping out, tuning the horn, tuning the fork, trolling for flames, trolling the bermuda triangle, trouser olympics, trouser snake CPR, TT, trying to make One-Eyed Willy puke, tugging the slug, tugging the tapioca tube, train the love porpoise, traveling past the mason-dixon line, tossing the salad, touching oneself, torturing the tentacle, tossing the caber, tossing the turkey, toss it off, tossing the ham javelin, tossing yogurt, tossing pink salad, tossing the snag, taming the animal, taming the shrew, tango con mano, taunting the one-eyed weasel, teasing the tuna, teasing the kitty, teach our children to fly, teasing the weasel, teasing the taco, teach your dog to spit, teasing the weenie, taking Herman to the circus, taking a trip south, taking matters into one's own hands, taking old one-eye to the optometrist, taking a shake break, taking ol' one eye through the fly, taking the old skin boat to tuna town, taking the monster for a one-armed ride, taking some time off, take ol' stiff neck to the movies, taking a nap, taking a dip, taking the Jocelyn Elders midterm, soldier's joy, talking quietly to yourself, tenderizing the meat, tenderizing the tube steak, testing the batteries, test the flashlight, testing the testicles, testicular tensile strength test, testing the plumbing, that crazy hand jive, thrapping, tickle the taco, thump the pumper, thump the pump, tickle the mustache, tickle the ditty, tickle torture, tickle the pickle, tickling the little man in the boat, tickling the one-eyed weasel, tickling the pickle, tiptoe through the twolips, toggling the bit, tonking, tooting the horn, toot the flute, torking the power rod, torment the trouser trout, torking the fork, torquing the taliwacker, toss the boss, tossing the pink salad, torquing the wrench, taffy-pulling contest, take a ride on the mean spanking machine, take a load off your mind, take Captain Picard to warp speed, stuff the taco, sushi party, swat the twat, surfing at finger beach, surfing on the Milky Highway, surf the wet, surfing the channel, summon the genie, summoning the semen demon, stroking the one-eyed burping gecko, stroking the mole, stroking the scoobie, stroking the satin-headed serpent, stroking the schlong, stroking the poker, stroking the dog, stroking the twinkie, stroking the snail, stroking the wiener, stropping the mulligan, stroking the squirmin' german, stropping the beak, strumming, strum the ol' banjo, strumming the Big Open, strike the pink match, stroking the lizard, strokem your scrotum, stroke the Wookie, stroking it, stroke your ego, stroking off, stroking the loaf, stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret, squeezing the weasel, squeezing the squid, squeezing the juice, squeezing the creamy filter, staff meeting, stacking the deck, stiffening the upper lip, stirring the yogurt, stir the yogurt, stirring the batter, stoking the furnace, stirring it up, straddle the paddle, strain the main vein, strangle the dangle, strangle Kojak, strangle Yoda, straining the spaghetti, strangling the serpent, strangle the stogie, squeezing the cream from the twinkie, squeezing the lemon, spraying the spectators, spreading the petals, spunking, spunk the monk, solitary evil, spit-polishing the purple helmet, spank the wank, spank the hangdown, spank the little boy, spank the bishop, spanking cheetah, southern massage, spank the wife's best friend, spank the carrot, spanking the bishop, spanking the salami, spanking the frank, spanking Elvis, spear chucking, spelunking, smacking the weasel, smacking the salami, snapping the whip, soaking the whisker biscuit, snuggle the nozzle, soaking in Palmolive, smoking hooch with reagan, smacking the oompa loompa, smacking-off, snapping the rubber, snapping one off, snapping the carrot, snap the rubber, snapping the twig, snapping the monkey, slamming the spam, slap the wapper, slamming the salmon, slamming the salami, slamming the ham, slap the hammer, sling one's jelly, sling one's juice, slipping yourself a mickey, slinging the jelly, slopping the hogs, slog the log, sloppy sign language, smacking the sausage, smacking your sister, secret indulgence, single dingles, shemping the hog, shooting flies, shooting hoops, shooting (off) the muck, shooting for the moon, shooting putty at the moon, shooting tadpoles at the moon, shooting the rapids, shuffling the Kit-Kat, shuck the corn, shuffle the deck, sin of impurity, slamming the hammer, slap the little head, slapping it, slapping the pud, slapping high fives with Yul Brynner, slapping the donkey, slapping the mackerel, slapping the clown, slapping pappy, slapping the fleshgopher, slapping the Cap'n, slapping the carrot, slapping the salami, slapping the big-nosed rasta man, slaughter of the innocent, slaying the one-eyed monster, slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol, self-service, shaking hands with the wife's best friend, shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln, shake it up, shifting into first gear, shelling the bean, shellacking the shellaleigh, shining the pork sword, shifting gears, shine the pole, shining the pole, shining the helmet, shaking hands with Jack Mcnasty, shaking hands with Mr. Happy, shaking hands with the General, shaking the bottle, shaking hands with the guy that stood up when I got married, shanking, shaking hands with the midget, shaking the snake, shaking the sausage, shaking hands with Little Elvis, shaking hands with Shorty, shaking the dice, shaking hands with the unemployed, shaking your hand at the sky, shaking the sauce, shaking your (own) maracas, shaking hands with Yul Brenner, shaking hands with your John Thomas, shaking the hand of the self-employed, shaking hands with Mr. President, shaking your fist at the sky, shaking the hand of the unemployed, see Madam(e) Thumb and her four daughters, self-induced penile regurgitation, self-inflicted intercourse, see if the baby's home, serta solo, setting off a depth charge, setting the oysters, sanding wood, sanding the banister, running the whack-a-thon, running the 100-yard dash, sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights, rubbing the donut, rubbing the red pussycat, rubbing the pink eraser, rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel, running off a batch by hand, run one's hand up the flagpole, running Peter through two-a-days, running the cheeta, rubbin nubbin, rubbing the rod, pushing the daisy and make it cum, pushing the button, pussy soccer, rubbing one out, rub your cooze 'til you ooze, informal values, schplitzing the schmeckel, schnauzer shuffleboard, scratch the crack, scoring the hoop, scouring the tower of power, scraping the horn, scratching the itch, scratch the snatch, scratching the snatch patch, scratch the patch, scrub the cake pan, scuffing the muff, scuff the muff, se crosser, se faire les cinq doigts de la main, se branler, se passer un poignet, search for Spock, secret handshake, getting the german soldier marching, getting your palm read by Mister Softee, getting your palm read, getting your pole varnished, gherkin-jerking, getting your caps peeled, getting your end away, gilding the lily, getting a stain out of my carpet, getting a date with slick mittens, getting a hold of yourself, getting in touch with your manhood, getting gnarly with the knudster, getting chafed, getting a grip on things, getting in touch with yourself, getting the glue stick, getting stripped of your grammy, getting to know yourself personally in the biblical sense, giving Yul Brenner the high-five, giving the general a five-finger salute, giving yourself the finger, glazing the knuckle, gluing the lady's eye shut, go back to the wig-wam and beat the tom-tom, go a couple rounds with the champ(ion), getting a little off-hand, going on a date with Palmela, going mining, going a couple of rounds with Ol' Josh, going on a date with Handrea, genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion, genital stimulation via phalangetic motion, fucking without complications, furry finger fuck, furry fun, get a date with Slick Mittens, gagging the clam, gagging the lips of love, gallop the maggot, gallop the old lizard, galloping the lizard, gallop the goose, genital sensate focussing, frosting the pastries, fuck palmala, frigging the love muscle, flub the dub, flute solo, fly automatic, flying on automatic, fly fishing, fondling the fig, four-lip whistling, freeing Willy, fret the fiddle-strings, flogging the mule, flogging the poodle, flogging the frog, flogging the hog, flogging your pride, flossing the cat, flogging the salami, fist kebabing 101, fist of fury, flog the infidel, flick the BIC, five finger discount, five fingers against one penis, five-finger solo, five against one, five finger lingo, five finger knuckle shuffle, five against Willy, five knuckle olympics, five finger boogie on the blue vein, five-knuckle-shuffle (on the old piss pump), five on one, flapping takkie, flaying the emperor, flipping the bishop, fishing for zipper trout, firing the flesh musket, firm the worm, fishing for trouser trout, fist fucking the piss pump, exploring the deep South, firing the surgeon general, fire the wobbly warhead, finger flick, file the fun-rod, finger blasting, filling up the belly button well, fingerbating, finger painting, fiddle the bean, fidget the midget, feel in one's pocket for one's big hairy rocket, feeding your trouser-mouse, feeding the chooks, fanning the fur, fanning the furnace, feed the spunk-o-meter, faxing Jimmy Dean, faxing the pope, engaging in internal revenue service, educating Peter, electing the president, encapsulate your probe, entering no man's land, enjoying a little southern comfort, entering the ring of fire, erase the problem, erasing the problem, erupting Vesuvius, erupting the volcano, escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell, evicting the testicular squatters, excercise your rights, experiencing men-o-paws, exploring Carlsbad Caverns, dropping a line, dropping stomach pancakes, dry humping the ottoman, dundering the devil, draining the monster, draining the poisons from the building, dusting the old trophy, dusting the endtable, dousing the digits, downing at the club (for members only), drilling for oil in your own backyard, driving the skin bus, drooling, doing the solitary rhumba, doing the white knuckler, doing the human version of autoexec.bat, doing it your way, doing battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love, doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba, doing handiwork, doing one's nails, doing laps, doing hard time in the hand slammer, doing the five knuckle shuffle, doing the five knuckle chuckle, doing the pork sword jiggle, doing the janitor thing, doing the hand jive, do the Han Solo, docking in shuttle bay 5, doddle whacking, doing something for my chapped lips, disseminating, D.I.Y., disciplining the primate, dildo doodling, dinging the dong, dinky the slinky, digging for change, digitally oscillating the penis, digging for clams, digging for your keys, digital special effects, Custer's last stand, digital manipulation of the coital apparatus, decongesting the weasel, date Miss Michigan, defrosting the fridge, dialing the pink phone, dialing the rotary phone, dickless dildo dance, diddling Miss Daisy, diddling the dinky, damming the beaver, dance with Johnnie One-eye, creaming the cheese, create an arch, creaming the twinkie, culture the American Blood Sausage, cum the scum, colonel sanders heimleich maneuver, coming to grips with yourself, consult Dr. Jerkoff, conking the cardinal, cook cucumbers, converse with Harry Palm, cook your nookie, cook the clam, cooking the cream of cock, corralling the tadpoles, couch hockey for one, countering cunts, cracking nuts, cracking the bat, creaming the pie, crimping the wire, critter cramming, crime of self-pollution, crossing the swamp, crossing the great divide, crown the king, cuddling the kielbasa, clobbering the kleenex, climbing Mount Baldy, climbing the tree, clit fix, closing the deal, closet frisbee, clubbing the clam, clubbing eddy, coating prince william sound with love oil, cock the cannon, choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come, chicken-grabbing, circling the knoll, clap with one hand, clam bake for one, clamming the engram, cleaning the rifle, cleaning my fur coat, cleaning the storm-drains, cleaning the fish, changing your oil, caressing the kitty, carrying weight, catching a case of whackinitis, bopping Richard, bopping the bishop, brushing the beaver, bucking it, calling all cum, calling down for more mayo, candlesticking, caning the vandal, capturing the bishop, charming the snake, charm the cobra, cheat the meat, checking the status of the I/O port, chipping wood, choking the bald guy until he pukes, choke the gopher, choking Kojak, choking the chipmunk, choke hold, choke the chook, choking Charlie 'till he throws up, banging the drum, bachelor's delight, backstroke roulette, addressing Mr. Palmer, adjusting your set, art of unisex, assault on a friendly weapon, attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior, audition the finger puppets, auditioning the hand puppet, auto-hedonia, 3 point shot, 5-digit disco, accordion solo, ambidexterity, answer the bone-a-phone, applying the hand brake, applying for a fishing liscence, applying lip gloss, arm aerobics, arm breaker, armswinging, bank with Barclays, Barclay's bank, bashing the dummy, bashing the candle, bashing the bishop, basting the tuna, bat off, batting practice, battling the purple-helmeted warrior, beastliness, beating off, beating the boner, beating the old man, beating the piss outta my best friend, beating the bishop, beating the bologna, beating the meat, beating the bed flute, beating the pud, beating the bait, beating the bush, beating your meat on the toilet seat, beating the snake, beef-stroke-it-off, bell polishing, biffing off, big date with Rosy Palms, big stroke time, bishoprage, blooming, bludgeon the beefsteak, blowing your own horn, blue-vein shuffle, bob the bologna, bobbing the boloney, body rub, beating around the bush, bleed the goose, bloating the vein, bologna bop, bollock service, bombing the German helmet, boxing the Bozak, boxing with Richard, boxing the bald champ, boxing the bald-headed clown, boxing the clown, boxing the ballsack, bopping the bologna, bopping the bonzo, bop the mop, buff the beaver, buff the pylon, buff the weasle, buffing the jewel, buffing the magic lamp, buff the mushroom, buff the dog, buffing, buffing the wood, buffing the banana, buffing the helmet, buffing the box, buffing the bishop, buffing the rifle, buggering the hand, bury the weenie, burp the baldman, burp the worm, burping the baby, burping the worm, bury the salami, bury the knuckle, butter the bead, butter the muffin, butter schlopping, buttering the muffin, butter the potato, buttering the corn, butting the bead, rolling the fleshy blunt, rolling the dough, rolling your own, rolling the mink, romancing Lady Five Fingers, Roman helmet rumba, romancing thy own, Romeo and himself, romancing the bone, romancing the rose, roping the long horn, roping the pony, roping the pope, roughing up the suspect, row the little man in the boat, riding the wild hand, ringing southern bells, ring for the maid, ringing for the elevator, roasting chestnuts, rocking the little man in the boat, reading poetry, relaxation rubdown, relief massage, relieving tension, returning to sender, ride the curl, ride sidesaddle, ride the great white knuckler, ride the tubsput, ride the tubespout, riding the waterslide, riding the great white knuckler, riding the unicycle, qualifying in the testicular time trial, R2 your D2, raising the mainsail, raking the leaves, pummeling the priest, pump the python, pumping the kooter, rapid one arm pull-ups, ravage the innocent, reading in Braille, pulling the pope, pulling the putz, pulling your own leg, pulling the mule, pulling the pud, pumping the stump, pumping for power, pulling your goalie, pumping for pleasure, pumping the gas at the self-service island, pumping cream, pump the monkey, punishing the pope, punish Percy in the palm, punching the puppet, punchin' the munchkin, punish the Harlequin, pumping the electric goo gun, punching the clown, punish the penguin, preheating the oven, pressing the pleats, preparing the carrot, prime the pump, priming the pump, prime the womb cannon, producing whore moans, prodding the half-cooked pastrami, prompt the porpoise, prostate maintenance, plunking the twanger, plumbing the bottomless pit of passion, popping the purple pimple, Portuguese pump, pounding off, pounding the pud, pounding the bald-headed moose, pounding the pudding, praising the orchid, pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin, pounding the flounder, pudwhacking, pub the dub, pull the pin, pull the pope, pull the duck's neck, pulling off, pulling the colonel sanders heimleich manuever, pulling the cord, pulling the bologna pony, pulling the five-knuckle shuffle, pulling the carrot, pulling on Peter, pulling the handbrake, pulling the weed, pulling the goalie, pulling the pole, pummel the love truncheon, pulling your prick, pulling the wire, pulling the taffy, paw-paw tricks, playing a one-stringed guitar, petting the kitty, petting the Wookie, petting the bunny, playing the silent trombone, playing the one-stringed melody, playing the beaver, playing a little five-on-one, playing the hairy banjo, playing the pink oboe, playing the flesh flute, playing the man-flute, playing a bass solo, playing soapy Peter, playing with dick, playing with the man in the boat, playing the skin flute, playing pocket pinball, playing with it, playing uno, playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends, playing tug-o-war with the cyclops, playing with the spitting llama, playing with your big Alien, playing with the pink Power Ranger, playing peek-a-boo (with Mr. Johnson), playing tag with the pink torpedo, playing a little game of five on one, playing in a one-man show, playing the slots, playing the flesh trombone, playing the fiddle, playing a solo on the meat whistle, playing with the turtle, playing with the pineapple, playing Yahtzee, pleasing the pisser, playing with your 6th finger, plucking the chicken, point one's social finger, poking the pucker, polish the horn, poking the pie, polishing Charlie Brown, polish the chrome dome, polish the bayonet, polish the Oscar, polish the viper, polish the pole, polishing the family jewels, polishing the nugget, polishing Percy in your palm, polishing the night stick, polishing the pearl, polishing the pud, polish the shooter, polishing the helmet, pollute, polishing the peanut, polishing the beak, polishing the rocket, polish the log, polishing the sword, polishing the silver, polishing the wedding ring, popping the zit, petting kitty, petting the lizard, petting your dog, petting Snoopy, petting the snake, phoning the czar, piddle the pud, pink piston practice, pipping the pumpkin, pitching in the bush leagues, pitch a knuckle ball, play a flute solo on one's meat whistle, peddle and crank, peeling the banana, peeling the chile, peeling the carrot, peeling some chilies, perling the oyster, performing a pearl jam, performing a self-test, performing diagnostics on your mantool, performing for Mr. Swaggart, performing an organ solo, paddle the pickle, paddling the peter, on the waterslide, love's labors lost, molesting the mole, one gun salute, Onan's Olympics, one-legged race, one man show, one man tug-o-war, one-stick drum improvisation, one-two, one off the wrist, navel maneuvers, nerking the throbber, non-penile pleasure pursuit, nulling the void, nuzzle the fuzz, oiling the pogo stick, oiling the glove, onania, packaging the ol' sausage, packing the palm, paint the ceiling, paddling the robin, paddling the pink canoe, painting the pickle, palming the calm, paddling the pickle, Palmolive finger dip, pampering the pussy, painting the walls, Palmala Handerson, parting the red sea, parting the petals, parting the waters, passing math, ironing some wrinkles, itching the ditch, jacking, jerk job, jerkin's hand lotion, jerking the wheel, jerking the merkin, jerking the noodle, jerk the gherkin, jam the joystick, jacking off, jacking the beanstalk, hula-hooping, humping air, hotdog-a-rama, housebreaking the cat, humping the hose, hurting Burt until he squirts, ignite the lightsaber, in the hand cream, installing a burglar alarm, invoking Venus, invading Poland, ipsation, ipsism, having a roy, having some clam dip, hee-haw with the wrinkled mee-maw, helping the python shed its skin, herkin' the gherkin, hiking the Grand Canyon, have a date with a handkerchief, hit on Rosy Palm, hitchhiking south, hitchhiking underneath the big top, holding your sausage hostage, holding on to a family heirloom, holding my own, holding the sausage hostage, hand gallop, hand work, hands on training, handful of pleasure, a, hand shandy, handy work, Han Solo, hand fuck, hand jive, hand labor, hand jig, hand game, hand to gland combat, hand relief, having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake, having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters, having a ball, having a date with Fisty Palmer, having a five-knuckle-shuffle, having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel, having a J. Arthur, hanging the old man, hanging five, hard labor, harp playing, having a ham shank, having a tug-of-war with the cyclops, having one off the wrist, having a whack attack, having a one-night-stand with yourself, having a sherman, gushing the geyser, gripping the pencil, grip the gorilla, hack the hog, hack the mack, flipping through the pages, ham shank, grinding the goo shooter, grip the tip, gripping Flipper, groping the grotto, growing hair on the palms, going eye to eye with Johnny Hung, going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters, going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters, going on Peewee's little adventure, going out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, going on the blow, going on the dole, greasing the pipe, greasing your hips, greasing the flagpole, grappling the gorilla, greasing your bone, greasing the skillet, loving the muppet, lubing the tube, maintaining a holding pattern, looking for uboats, look in the mirror, looking for Waldo & his dog, looking for ticks, knuckling the bone, let your fingers do the walking, levy break limbo, lightening the load, lighting the pipe, lighting the candle, launching the hand shuttle, launching the head of a world-cup golfer, launching the tadpoles, launching a class probe, leaking the main drain, killing it, killing off, kneading the knockwurst, juggling the coullions, keep a date with bobby palm and his five brother, honking Bobo, kicking seamen, jiggling your cockanballs, jimmying the joey, jiring one's wad, J.O., jizzlobbing, Jocelyn Eldering, J/O scene, jerking the gherkin, jerking the turkey, jerking jamby, jiggling the dice, little pinky hit the slinky, loading the cannon, make fist-kabobs, manning the cockpit, manipulating the mango, manning the cannon, make love with Rosy Palm and her five sisters, make love with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, manual preference, manual labor, manually-assisted wet dream, manustupration, making a banana spit, make silly with the Willy, make the tide come in, making a banana split, making a foreskin cone, making instant pudding, making a finger sandwich, making the bald man puke, making duck butter, making nut butter, making oyster soup, making love with Miss Right, making yogurt, making the scene with the magazine, making friends with Big Ed, making the bald man cry, making five fingers, making a six-fist, making soup, making the kitty purr, making vanilla jism shakes, making the oysters smile, making yourself at home, mangling the midget, man overboard, muffing buffing, mule breeding, murder the Bishop, moving into a one-bedroom apartment, moving the stone, much goo about nothing, messing with Moby, milk the chicken, milk the maggot, milk the lizard, milking the cow, milking the bull, milking the musket, milking the moose, milkywaying, milking the weasel, minding my own business, mistressbate, merry widow waltz, masonic secret self handshake, maximize your potency, measuring for condoms, meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters, meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters, meet your right-hand man, meeting Rosie Hancock, manual override, massage your purple-headed warrior, massage the fireman's neck, master bacon, massage your muscle, massage the one-eyed monk, masterbation, mentulalgia, make love to oneself, jollification, hand book, jack-and-jill-off party, onanistic, play solitaire, pull someone off, prick rag, puppetophilia, bring someone off, beating the stick, amatripsis, coitus inter digitae, dame de voyage, dildoism, do-it-yourself, Dutch sea wife, fifi bag, frig oneself, full-service, get to know yourself, rub it off, selbst befriedigung, theater in the round, team cream, wack your squack, wack the weasel, wank mag, whanking date, manual titillation, manual persuasion, manual orgasm, manual sex, manual release, manual exercise(s), manual gratification, masturbate, jack-off session, playing chopsticks, going blind, go it alone, double jacking, dealing, be your own best friend, taking part in population control, self-abuse, self-pollution, sew, sex with someone you love, secret sin, Swedish culture, swordfighting, syntribadism, take a finger ride, take a beating, take oneself in hand, take in hand, sweep off, stroke the bloke, stroke the slit, suffocate the organ, strain the vein, stir the stew, stir the cauldron, squirt one off, squirt seed, stroke the poker, stroke oneself, stroke the dog, stroke the string, stroke the beef, stroking and poking, stroke the stallion, stroke the lizard, stroke off, smash the stake, slimmer, slick abuse, slam the ham, slam the spam, slam the clam, solo flight, spit one off, spit the seeds, spackling the ceiling, solo spit, solo marathon, spam wham, split the slit, squeeze it off, squeeze off, squeezing the cheese, squirting the seed, squeeze the peach, satisfy oneself, salute the sailor, run off by hand, ruff the muff, run a batch, shake up, shake the snake, shake the weasel, self-gratification, rub the radish, rub one out, rub the magic lamp, rub off by hand, rub the knob, rub the (little) head, rub the tub, rub off, she-bop, shoot skeet, Sherman, shift gears, Sherman tank, shake hands with the governor, self-pleasure, self-pleasuring, slide the shaft, sing an aria, sing with Rosie, shoot the cat, shelling the oyster, skin the bone, skin the lizard, taking care of business, take down (by hand), tame the monster, tap-dance, tap dancing, tame the bald-headed mouse, tame the beef weasel, tee off, technical virgin, teach Yule Brenner some respect, tease the python, thumb the button, tickle the crack, throwing (one), thrap(e), throttle the turkey, throttle kojak, throw the ball around, toss him off, tip the middle finger, tickling her fancy, twiddle with oneself, virgin's release, visit Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters, vibrating masturbator, unclog the pipes, touch up, tour de france, tug muscle, turn the knob, triborgasmia, twang the wire, tweak the twiddle, whank-pit, whack off, whip it, wienering, work it off, work off, work oneself off, wonk off, wrench off, wrist-off, yank your wank, yanking off, yang the wang, yank off, yank (it), yank yourself (off), yank your strap, wang off, wackomatic, wank on it, wank-pit, wankrod, wanks per week, waste a short time, waste time, watch the eyelid movies, water the hot spot, waving the magic wand, whipping off, whack your Magic Johnson, whacking it, whack the yak, whank, whack the bishop, whack it, whack, whack the pud, wet the whistle, wax the saddle, wax the candle-stick, wax the bean, wax the board, wax the beam, beat, basting the meat, beat meat, beat one's little brother, beat Pete, beat the beaver, beat the bald-headed bandit, beat the dork, beat the tom-tom, beat the bishop, beat the goose, beat the hog, beat the pup, beating about the bush, beat the pud, blanket drill, bequeath your genes, armswing, arthur, articulate the archdeacon, activating cruise control, accosting the Oscar Meyer, auto-genital stimulation, airing the orchid, allantotrioism, ball off, balling off, bang the bishop, bang the banjo, bang the wanger, bring up by hand, bring oneself off, bring off by hand, bop the baloney, brandle, break one off, bringing oneself off, bring down (by hand), bookends, blooch, beating it with a smile on your face, beat your meat like it owes you money, boffing, buying an E-Ticket, buzzing, cabareting, deep dishing, dating my palm, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, digging a trench, digitating, dicky-whacking, diddling, dancing with the captain, dash one's doodle, date mother palm and her five daughters, date Palmala Handerson, cunt-cuddling, creamed beef, cream your corn, crank the monkey, crank the shaft, cuff the meat, cuff the dummy, cuff the carrot, cuff the puppy, cracking off, crank the cream, cranking for cum, crank the shank, crank the love pump, crank the cream separator, court Madam Knuckle, crab tease, crack off a batch, color in the coloring book, combing the brush, come into your own, comforting Gary Coleman, come the turkey, coming into your own, coming one's mutton, clitorize, cock your shotgun, coital climax, cleaning your fingers, clearing the snorkel, clap the clit, clamping the pipe, chicken-milking, churning the cream, churning the butter, circle fuck, churning butter, chong your schlong, choke the chicken, choke the bad guy, checking the oil, checking for testicular cancer, cheesing off, checking for impotence, check the oil, checking the foxhole, caress oneself, buck the bone, botulinonia, catch up with Popeye, charge the rod, charm the serpent, douse the digits, doodle the noodle, dollop the weener, doing your own thing, drilling for oil, dunk the doughnut, dunking the beaver, dry-firing the musket, drain Charle's Dickens, draw on a length, do the dew, disobey the Pope, do a dry waltz with oneself, do it with oneself, do handiwork, doing a little soft-shoe, do the wet-n-stinky, do yourself off, do oneself, dilly with the willy, digitize, dip the digit(s), discipline your soldier, digging into the trenches, digitate, digging the trench, fight the champ, fingering the clit, fisting the mister, fist it off, fist-fuck, feel the fur, fight the turkey, fidget with the digit, fire the hand cannon, express yourself (manually), empty the cannon, engaging in safe sex, fan the fur, feed the fist, feed the beaver, feeding the other mouth, feed the cat, feed the ducks, feed the bearded clam, feed the clam, feeding the bearded clam, feed the stick, feeding the slot, fare un ditolino, go on a hand diet, go to war with yourself, going cabareting, going on a finger ride, give it a one-gun salute, give oneself a handjob, give oneself a low five, give oneself the finger, giving it a tug, gentle the genitalia, get a lube job, get a fat lip, get a stinky pinky, get gravel for the goose, get one's nuts off, get one's balls off, get one's ashes hauled, get some self, get some trim, friggit, fuck Mary Fist, fuck the fist, fuck one's fist, fuck your fist, flick the bean, flicking the switch, flip the flaps, flog the hog, flick on over the thumb, fist the mister, flex one's sex, flog, flit the clit, flog the dong, flog the lizard, flog the dummy, flog a dead horse, flog the dog, flog the dolphin, flog (oneself), flog a willing horse, flog the old whipping-boy, flogging the dolphin, flog the mutton, flopping beef, flog the meat, flog the pork, flog the sausage, flogging the dong, flog the pup, flog the whipping-boy, flog the log, flogging the dog, flog the goose, frig off, fluff the muff, friggle, flong the dong, play with your Willy Wanker, play the silent trumbone, play the clitar, play with Willy Wanker, play the piss pipe, perm the poodle, pet the petunia, pet the poodle, pet the pussy (cat), please the pisser, popping a nut, popping the cork, pocket billiards, pocket polka, pocket pinball, playing solitaire, playing pocket pool, night-club, non-orthogenic sex, oscillating the Oscar Meyer, pat the Robertson, palm it, pack the palm, pat me muller, play pocket pool, play pocket billiards, play the bones, play the fiddle, play the male organ, pinch the cat, pump oneself off, pump one's pickle, reading with one hand, punt the cunt, pump off, raise the flag, raising Lazarus from the dead, rake your meat, ram the ham, rank, rheomism, rheononia, rowing the boat, prime it, puff the one-eyed dragon, pull one's joint, pull one's dong, prune the fifth limb, pound the peenie, pound the meat, pound the pud, pound off, pound it, pound the bobo, pound the flounder, pocket pool, pocket waltz, poke the pussy, pull the peter, pudding head, pull one's wang, pull it (off), pull putz, pull one off, pull the joint, pull the root, pull your prick, pull the pud, pull the pole, pull the pork, pull wire, pulling rank, pulling a solo session, pull the taffy, jerk the turkey, jack the joystick, jerk the Turk, jerk the mutton, jerk the johnson, jerk your jewels, jack hammer, jack your jizz, jack the corn, jack the sack, jack the beanstalk, jack yourself, jag off, jeff off, jerk jelly, jerk Jamby, jerk the joint, hold the bold, hone the bone, hog-flogger, hitchhike under the big top, hit the slit, have a wank, have one off the wrist, hit the ham, in hand, husk it, hug the hog, hump the bump, hump the hose, hump the horn, hose the hole, hot rod it, hand-staff, handmade, hand-raised, hand lotion, hand-made, hand ball, having dinner, haul your own ashes, having a tug, grease the dildo, grease the gash, grease the goofy, grab the goatee, grab the flab, grind off, grip it, hair-job, gristle rub, hack off, manuxorate, maritate, mix up a batch, milking one's self, mustard on the burger, make waves (for the boy-in-the-boat), joyce off, jilling off, jerk the rope, jiggle the jewelry, jog off, kick the gong around, juice it up, juice the fruit, jump start the river, just jerkin' it, knead your dough, knitting, knock the top off, knock on wood, leave it to beaver, leglock the pillow, light touch body rub, Levy and Frank, looking askance, make a bald man cry, make butter, make a milkshake, make bumps, make love to ones fist, lube the cord,
Quotes Containing masturbation:
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
'Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978) He's referring to watersports (rowing) not group-masturbation .
''Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.'' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978). He''s talking about water-sports not group-masturbation .''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
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Dictionary of Sexual Terms - 24150 terms and expressions, 3500 quotes, 47000 synonyms
Dictionary of the F-Word - 865 terms and expressions 200 quotes, 2200 synonyms
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